Harmless Error

Dreams

2009-10-03T19:38:00.002-04:00

We all have them. I'm talking the aspirational kind. Not the wake up thinking what the fuck kind. I'm sure that mine aren't any more dazzling than yours. But I've been thinking a lot about them lately. What I want. What I don't want. What I don't know if I want.

Here's what I know that I want:

A job that I love, where I don't calculate tenths of hours per day and wake up excited and gung ho about what I get to do that day.

A husband whom I adore. (Before that, a relationship that doesn't require weekly travel. But it's good. We're working on it.)

Enough money where I don't have to worry about the bank taking an extra day to process something.

To still consider my best friends now my best friends in 10, 15, and 20 years.

Another dog. Although this seems like the easiest one to remedy at the moment, given the above problems of travel and billing, it's sadly not.

Reasonable health insurance. I've actually really started to use it at the time when it's become a hot topic. And jumping through 18,000 hoops to do something incredibly simple is, well, really annoying.

I'm not going to go through the things I don't want. They don't deserve to be mentioned.

So. It's been a long time.

2009-09-24T20:26:00.002-04:00

That title has been sitting there for half an hour. I have everything and nothing to say. Good and bad.

Maybe tomorrow.

Staycations are boring.

2009-08-31T16:04:00.003-04:00

I'm on my third day off from work and I'm bored. Being home during the day watching bad TV, while nice when you're sick or even on a random holiday, makes one feel listless and depressed when the rest of the world is being productive. Not that I want to spend a million dollars traveling, or, to be honest, go to work tomorrow, but being at home has just made me be productive in different ways and not really relax that much.

I paid bills.
I re-organized my closet.
I called five different doctors' offices (I need a new general doc) before finding one with an appointment available before October.

I think I'm going to scrub the kitchen.

You know you need a vacation when...

2009-08-20T20:50:00.002-04:00

your dreams include visions of case citations woven into your bedspread, and you're upset because you know the citations are wrong, not because they're there in the first place.

you have to do deep breathing exercises in your office daily.

your boyfriend (!!) keeps emailing you comments about the things he's watching on TV while he takes a week off from work to just hang out at home.

you have to cross the street to get around the tourists just to go grab some lunch at your favorite variety deli.

there are more people in beach clothing than work clothing on the subway each morning.

__________________

I'm taking three days off next week. I could take more, but I want to save the rest for the holidays and random long weekends throughout the fall. I'm excited already.

Stolen Lines

2009-08-16T21:00:00.003-04:00

You really don't know what I'm talking about, do you?

It was that hazy, dark, half-asleep yet wide awake period of the night. The hum of the air conditioner almost drowned out the sounds of the late night revelers outside. His arm rested on my hip and I could tell he was almost asleep by the way he was breathing. But he didn't fall asleep. Because I couldn't.

"What's the matter?"

"Mmm? Nothing. Not tired I guess."

You really don't know what I'm talking about, do you?

Fingers moved lightly across skin. How could I be so comfortable and so uncomfortable at the same time?

I sat up, twisting my mess of my hair into a knot on the top of my head.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah." I moved closer.

If I ever wanted to get some sleep, I had to say something.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Without freaking you out?"

There was a twitch. I think.

"Ok."

"I just...I need to know that we're on the same wavelength here. We haven't...talked about things really, at all, and I just...need to know how you feel. About...me. How things are going."

Pause. Too long for me. My head buried in between his arm and a pillow.

"I...well, I mean, it's kind of a hard question." WHY? "I really like spending time with you...I wish I could spend more time with you."

You like spending time with me? That's it? My head was swimming. What was I hoping for exactly? I'm crazy about you and can't get enough of you? Did I get the watered down lukewarm version of what I wanted?

I was quiet. So he prompted.

"How do you feel about it?"

Me, meekly: "The same."

"Ok. How does that make you feel?"

I didn't know what to say. Why would I start this conversation if I didn't know what to say? So I said something.

"Um. Maybe a little scared?"

"Why do you feel scared?"

I knew, but I couldn't say it. I couldn't say because it's a risk and I can't get invested more than I already am if I don't know that you're invested too.

So I lied. "Maybe scared is the wrong word." But it was the right word. So I rephrased. "I guess I don't want to get hurt?"

"Well, I don't think that's going to happen."

I was quiet. He had enveloped me with his arms.

He continued. "But somehow I don't think you believe me."

I want to. Really I do. I started the conversation. but I couldn't finish it.

You really don't know what I'm talking about, do you?

-----------------

Line stolen from Kavita Daswani. Courtesy of Grace and Colby in the City.

Repugnant, you say?

2009-08-05T19:21:00.002-04:00

So I have to draft a post-trial motion on why the jury's verdict to convict on some charges but not others was repugnant as a matter of law and therefore should be set aside. Whatever. (Aside: I'm a prosecutor at heart and sometimes it pains me to write these things.)

I had big plans to sign onto Westlaw once I got home and sip some wine and do some research, but um, sometimes plans fall through. We've all had that happen, right?

However, in an effort to maintain some consistency in thought, here are a few things I find particularly repugnant:

NYC subway platforms in August
Orly Taitz
David Ortiz (life in Boston in the fall of '04 is now tainted)
Most reality tv
This woman
Facebook turning into nothing but baby pictures (am I really at that age? really and truly? better get crackin')

More information needed

2009-08-03T20:46:00.002-04:00

Yes, I can research an issue in my sleep, but if you don't tell me what exactly you want me to focus on and who you want me to persuade about what, I'm going to get cranky. I don't know the trial evidence like the back of my hand. I need specifics. And if you don't want to respond to my email request, have fun sifting through the fifty cases I give you.

"Grey's Anatomy" in space is probably too much of a compliment.

2009-08-02T22:51:00.003-04:00

ABC's new summer series "Defying Gravity" is bad. Really, really bad. So bad that I'm mad I'm still watching it and that I will probably watch it next week as well.

I really am a girl. Fuck.

2009-07-30T20:12:00.005-04:00

Grace is right that talking about relationships is a snoozefest. However, I have nothing else right now to talk about. And I've bothered my friends with this enough today. So.

The boy and I have been going strong for five months. We know each other's friends. We email multiple times per day. We see each other most weekends.

Last night, on the advice of numerous people who told me it was NO BIG DEAL, I casually, in the context and midst of various other things, asked him in an email if he had ever mentioned me to his parents. Who he lives about twenty miles from. And emails with "regularly".

I haven't heard from him all day. ALL DAY. (No, he's not just busy. People with iphones who email you sports articles you couldn't care less about are not that busy.)

Why. WHY did I do that? I was curious! It wasn't a big deal! Did I freak him out? Everything everything EVERYTHING points to us being in a real relationship.

I know that we both have strong feelings. Why would this freak him out?

I was watching He's Just Not That Into You a few weeks ago, and laughing (pitying) the sad girls who screw things up with men. Never ever have I been that girl. A few months ago I didn't even know if I really liked him. Well, I do. Clearly.

I'm having another glass of wine. I will not email him again. This is ridiculous.

Thanks to me being a girl, I billed about .2 hours today.

Check that. (Meaning everything above.) Now I'm just mad. mad mad mad. If he's this weirded out by a simple question like that I think we have bigger issues happening here.
___________________________________________________
Update:

At 8:51pm I received the following as part of a longer email:

"I have indeed mentioned you to my fam. I've talked to my mom, sister, and granddad about you. I don't talk to my dad about stuff and my grandmom is getting kind of senile."

Jesus Christ. I'm not cut out for this.

I don't even mind that it's Chris Brown*

2009-07-29T20:48:00.002-04:00

If you haven't watched this yet, well, sad for you. Watch it. I wanted to reach through the phone and strangle someone today, and then I watched it again and was dancing barefoot around my office.

*Truth be told...I love that song.

Things I'm thinking about. In no particular order.

2009-07-23T22:51:00.003-04:00

I am a bad blogger.

Summer reruns suck.

I miss the boy. It's been two weeks! He'll be here tomorrow night.

I'm sooooo happy it has yet to hit 90 degrees this summer in NYC. Joy.

Having the washing machine outside my apartment door broken for almost two weeks has made me realize that the day I own my own machines (NON-coin operated, thank you) will be one of the happiest days of my life.

Deadlines at work have somehow snuck up on me.

And I don't really care.

Because I am the master at getting things adjourned.

I still miss Chloe.

Professor Henry Louis Gates, Jr. was probably in the right, but anyone who says "Do you know who I am?" deserves to be smacked.

First Post Ever From Work

2009-07-02T16:13:00.002-04:00

I know. I KNOW. I shouldn't blog from work. But you know what? No one around here cares. We don't have an IT department (unless one guy who comes in randomly to fix network problems counts), I'm on other people's blogs, Gawker, and Facebook all freaking day anyway, and really, I get my shit done so no one is the wiser when it comes to my internet procrastination tools.

It's pouring rain and sunny outside right now. Wtf. I'll be in Philly for the long weekend, and will probably leave after I finish writing this even though my train isn't for another hour and a half. Sheryl Crow is playing before the fireworks at the Art Museum on Saturday. I really want to go, but I have a somewhat irrational fear of crowds. It's not crowds so much as, um, dirty people being too close to me, haha. I was at an Explosions in the Sky concert (they're so good) the other night and almost couldn't breathe from the mixture of BO and marijuana.

I digress.

I can't decide which one of these clips made me laugh the most.

Happy Independence Day everyone. God save the Queen.

Wait. That's not right. Damnit.

I almost didn't make it out alive.

2009-06-29T20:35:00.003-04:00

There was pushing. Yelling. Shoving. Death stares.

It was scary. Beware.

Of what, you ask?

The Victoria's Secret sale at 86th and Broadway.

*Shudder*

This may be a stupid question.

2009-06-28T22:18:00.003-04:00

But since when has that stopped me?

I'm not a huge police procedural fan (L&O reruns while cleaning/cooking notwithstanding), but I occasionally enjoy an episode of Without a Trace. It's good, right? Except, here's the thing. Doesn't a person have to be missing for at least 24 hours before the police start looking for him/her? Why is it in this show that "Missing 10 hours" will flash across the screen while a team of supercops/investigators swarm all over someone's home/office looking for clues? I'm not talking Amber Alerts here - these are adults who are potentially playing hooky for the day. Why the fuss? That being said, it's still good. And Poppy Montgomery is pretty. The end.

It gets rid of icky spiders - what are you complaining about?

2009-06-26T21:17:00.003-04:00

The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout.
Down came the rain and washed the spider out.
Out came the sun and dried up all the rain.
And the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again.

Rainiest June on record, huh? Bring it on! I love it. Running in it, curling up listening to it, dashing through it, losing three umbrellas in a matter of weeks in it, etc. I should really live in Seattle.

I feel like my blog is drying up. I don't mean for that to happen, but every time I start a post, it's lame and I delete it. I just didn't delete this one.

Also, does anyone know what's going on with Thinking Fool? The site has been eerily blank for days! Did he leave us?

I'm rocking out to MJ's greatest hits while cooking spaghetti and drinking wine after a frustratingly long day. And I have a 9am dentist appointment. Funnnnnnn.

Things I Don't Understand

2009-06-17T22:36:00.002-04:00

Why it takes me an hour to fall asleep every night.

Why a certain very large bureaucratic financially stupid client expects that a complicated summary judgment motion can be completed in 8 hours.

The Duggar Family.

Spending money to have another woman paint my toenails. (Sorry. I just don't like it.)

Iran's "free" elections.

CNN's obsession with Facebook and Twitter.

Why people in my building do laundry (the machines are 10 feet from my door) at 2am.

People who have cars in Manhattan.

Why Season 3 of "Once and Again" isn't on dvd.

My dad.

Hoda Kotbe's decision that the fourth hour of Today would be good for her career.

Why I love Edward Cullen.

Water to Wine. And other things.

2009-06-09T19:52:00.004-04:00

It wasn't too long ago when a cup of tea after a long day would (temporarily) solve all my problems. A glass of wine has replaced the cup of tea. Is this a problem? (Aside from the extra 120 calories per day?)

I ran in a downpour this morning. Cats, dogs, birds, and snakes. (Or at least worms. Ew. I hate the post-rain wormy ground.)

I miss Chloe resting her head on my ankle and snoring.

I can't get enough quality time with the boy. Which consists of spooning, watching movies, cooking dinner, and forcing myself to keep up with him on a run.

I'm on auto-pilot at work. I'm doing it. I'm doing a lot. But I don't care about it. Shouldn't I care about it? Am I $150K in debt (principle balances never to decrease) for something where I don't care about the outcome of a case as long as my work product was up to par?

John and Kate and the Octomom? They should all fall off a cliff. What about the kids, you say? Well, I was never one for the importance of biology.

Heidi and Spencer should also fall off a cliff. Into a river of crocodiles. And acid.

I'm usually ready for winter by July 4th. It happened about a month early this year. Fuck.

September 29, 1993 - May 21, 2009

2009-05-25T16:17:00.005-04:00

We will always love you and miss you. Have fun jumping up on kitchen countertops and over baby gates in doggy heaven. (Yes, she really used to do that. Most useless purchase of a babygate ever.)

Chloe went to sleep in our arms, in our home, where the wonderful vet came to make it easier for all. It was terribly difficult, but she's ok now. And I will be too.

I can't sleep.

2009-05-19T21:14:00.002-04:00

I got about 4 hours last night. I've never had sleep problems before, so I'm a little worried. Because the not sleeping leads to feeling terrible which leads to not getting work done and barely being able to work out which leads to anxiety which leads to more trouble sleeping.

Tylenol PM? Doesn't work. But I'm gonna try it again right now.

I guess I just have a lot going on, and change, whether good or bad, is still change. And I suck at change. Like, big time suckage.

The boy is coming to visit for the long weekend. We'll get some sleep. *Maybe*

Dear Carrie Prejean,

2009-05-14T21:22:00.001-04:00

Go the fuck away. Seriously.

Thanks.

Well Judge, that's because because plaintiff's counsel can't count.

2009-05-11T21:11:00.002-04:00

A motion to dismiss based on failure to commence before the statute of limitations expired is not a complicated one. Yes, there are procedural loopholes which may save an action, but 9 times of out 10, Mr. Plaintiff is simply screwed. When you represent a large entity which is unfortunately often mistaken for a similar but different large entity with a longer statute of limitations, you can make these motions in your sleep and calculate expiration dates in your head.

So it's amusing when you get opposition papers which yell! and taunt! and threaten! And which make it clear that opposing counsel is, well, an idiot who not only doesn't do the proper research and investigation prior to commencing an action, but who simply. can't. count. Time to go back to 2nd grade.

The very good and the very bad.

2009-04-28T20:32:00.002-04:00

Crickets. Yes, I know. Have I been missed? For my ego I'll assume that's a yes.

Why the lull? Well, lotsa things happening around these parts. The highs and lows, people. I've been a bit bipolar lately.

Let's start with the good, shall we? For the past month, I have maybe been dating a real live boy. I say maybe because, well, I am 28 but feel about 18 when it comes to this crap. It took me a while to get comfortable saying this, but I like him! I do! Hooray! The fact that he has liked me for years at this point is icing on the cake. He is the childhood friend of one of my best friends from college, and lives in Philadelphia. Not too far. We're running the Broad Street Run together this weekend. Ten miles of fun.

And now the bad. My beloved perfect wonderful cherished dog, Chloe, very likely has (hopefully early stage) lymphoma. She is a rocking 15 1/2 year old pup. She came down with an eye infection last week, and, not thinking much of it, we (I was visiting the parents for the weekend) took her to a vet to have it checked out. It turned out her lymph nodes were enlarged, and the vet did a needle aspiration, and told us she was pretty sure it was cancer. Obviously, the rest of the weekend consisted of crying. Chloe is doing better, and the antibiotic is clearing up her eye, which may have been a stress reaction to whatever else is going on. However, the pathology reports came back as "inconclusive", and now the vet wants to do another aspiration next week. It is still likely lymphoma, and while we don't know the prognosis/possible treatment options yet, it appears to be an early stage, for which we are grateful. I am trying to be realistic and realize that she was born during Clinton's first term. However, when you've had a pet since you were 12 years old, things get rough.

So. Yeah. Excitement and romance! (He made sure he has Equal on hand because he knows I don't like Splenda. Good lord.) And then, sadness and uncertainty and fear.

There' s a lot going on at work too, but that takes a back seat as far as I am concerned right now. Life. It's happening.

Why unlikely?

2009-04-18T16:43:00.002-04:00

The title of the article says it all. If you haven't already watched the clip, it is embedded in the article. Here's what bothers me. Why is Susan Boyle an "unlikely singer"? An unlikely celebrity? Maybe. An unlikely pop star? Sure.

Now, I love Britney and her very mediocre voice as much as the next red blooded westerner, and I'm not trying to get all "oh the media is so unfair and we're all ageist and superficial, etc." I buy $25 face lotion just like the next girl and obsess over my looks just like the rest of us. (Actually, $25 is probably on the low end of the spectrum, but it's still kind of a lot.)

There's just something highly disturbing about the unquestioned notion that youth and beauty automatically mean someone is talented, and that not being young and beautiful means you are dog poo. Haven't we all known so called beautiful people who we want to spear in the eye with a fork after spending five minutes with them? Susan Boyle, even before she sang, seemed like a sweet kinda goofy lady who probably never harmed a fly and yet people were already grimacing.

There is nothing unlikely about her being a singer. Simply by looking at her, is she an unlikely neurosurgeon? An unlikely astrophysicist? An unlikely serial killer? How the hell are we supposed to know?

End rant.

TAXES BLOW.

2009-04-14T20:03:00.003-04:00

The end. Yes, I owed. Apparently because I filled out my W4 as "single 1" when I should be "single zero." Yeah. Let's ponder that one.

I am Derek Jeter.

2009-04-07T20:05:00.000-04:00

"You're like the Derek Jeter of the firm." - Partner

"Um, what?"

"You know, the go-to person. The MVP."

"Isn't he supposed to be kind of an asshole?"

"Well, maybe sometimes I guess."

"Gee, thanks."

County General's doors are closing.

2009-04-02T20:55:00.003-04:00

*tear*

I know, I know. You stopped watching when Dr. Ross left. Or when Dr. Benton left. Or when Dr. Green died. Or when Carter left. Or when Luka almost died in Africa. Or...

It's been on for 15 years, people! More than half my life! I was 13 years old when this damn thing started. Clinton was in his first term! And I've seen every episode. Many episodes MANY times. Remember when Carter and Lucy got stabbed?!

It's the end. THE END. I haven't begun watching the clip show yet. I can't start it because I don't want it to end! A friend is starting the whole series from the beginning (I also record the reruns on TNT) and he's so excited and enthralled and I LOVE it.

Ok. I'm gonna have a glass of wine and order some takeout because I just got home (let's not even talk about work and the fact that I HATE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING) and start watching. Let the meltdown begin.

Claustrophobia

2009-03-29T13:56:00.004-04:00

I've been feeling it lately. In the subway. On the street. In bars and restaurants. In the courts. The fact is simple: there are too many freaking people in this city. I snapped at a crazy bag lady on the subway yesterday because she kept telling people to move into the train (usually a sentiment I agree with) except there was nowhere to move. Usually you just roll your eyes and plug your earphones in against crazy bag ladies. But I couldn't take it.

Maybe it's spring fever and I need to just get away for a few days. Do people really take vacations by themselves? I'd love a spa weekend with girlfriends but totally can't afford it. My loan payments are going up by $76 this month. Awesome.

I saw Duplicity yesterday. Disappointing. Maybe I was expecting too much after reading a few glowing reviews. Despite the witty banter and star chemistry, I think I just can't get into things that are all about money. It's everywhere and nowhere at the same time. You can't turn on the news without being bombarded with dire predictions about how we're all financial idiots, and yet, the next segment is about recession-priced vacation packages.

Haven't done my taxes yet. Gah. Clearly I'm not as Type A as I pretend to be.

On a random positive note, who knew that Grey's Anatomy still had the ability to churn out a damn fine episode?

Dear law students on the #2 train:

2009-03-23T21:07:00.002-04:00

I may be in sweaty workout clothes with my hair in a ponytail, but I'm still a lawyer. And I will still snicker and roll my eyes at you when you talk about how so-and-so TOTALLY didn't know the answer in Trusts and Estates the other day because she was TOTALLY on facebook when the professor called on her. Also, yes, you may have gotten free drinks at a law firm event (where you will probably not be hired in this economy) and now you're TOTALLY going to be hungover for moot court tomorrow, but you know what? It's good practice for rocking motion arguments while hungover like I did last Friday.

Keep studying. Just shut up about it, because the rest of us don't want to hear it.

Xoxo,

HE

P.S. You, with the bad dye job, you TOTALLY had a run in your stockings.

Blogging from my phone during CLE.

2009-03-17T19:34:00.000-04:00

I hate CLE requirements. They are useless and stupid and solely moneymaking entities. I'm a lawyer. The whole point is I'm educated enough to look up what to do if I don't already know what to do.

Oh. My. God. Has anyone ever died from boredom? I would review cases I have shoved in my bag right now but I think if I billed for the time I was in CLE my boss might get concerned that I wasn't paying attention in the overpriced class he paid for. Not that I didn't have to practically threaten to quit to get them to pay for this crap. Jeez.

I am definitely not the only one glued to his or her phone right now...

"Ghosts definitely live here," I say.

2009-03-10T22:05:00.002-04:00

I was ten years old and packing up my room in the house I was born in. We were moving from the countryside of Connecticut to the suburbs of New Jersey, and I was not happy about it. I loved our house. It was roomy and roamy and airy and light. And old. Very, very old. A few years earlier my mother had seen a ghost in the window in the living room. I was a realist/cynic even as a kid, but I believed her.

"What was it Mommy?"

"She was nursing her baby before they had to leave and keep moving."

"Where were they going?"

"Wherever they could I guess."

Our farmhouse was a bona fide stop on the underground railroad. It's included in the town records as a place where "the coloreds gathered" in the 1850s. Seriously.

When I was packing that last day, bitter and teary over leaving my house and my friends and my roaming backyard and field, I saw him. A little boy in the window, for the briefest of seconds. He flashed me a smile and disappeared, and I ran downstairs in fear and exhilaration.

"Ghosts definitely live here," I say.

___________________________________

The above is a wholeheartedly true story, and I stole the first line of this post from "You'll Never Eat Lunch in This town Again," by Julia Phillips, as part of Grace's awesome series. Aside from the obvious, it's awesome because there is no deadline and I can do it a month later than everyone else.

Taking A (Slightly) Sick Day

2009-03-04T09:31:00.002-05:00

This is my second sick day in over two years of work. Not bad, right? There have probably been some times where I should have stayed home and didn't, so the fact that today I really COULD go to work and am not...balances out. I do feel like crap - overly tired, three day old dull headache, stuffy, but it's probably not enough to truly take a sick day. And yet I do not care, because, seriously, one sick day in 2+ years, remember? And on the rare day where I have no court appearances and would just sit in my office staring at the brief on my computer screen, billing 8 hours of "administrative time" for a sick day is surely the better choice.

The 102nd Street Transverse

2009-02-28T19:50:00.002-05:00

I'm watching an episode of 20/20 (it's on the WE channel now - who knew?) about the Central Park Jogger case. It was a big case, a big deal, everyone knows about it in NYC and probably around the country. But until now, I never really thought about the fact that I pass that spot in the park almost every time I'm running there. I was there 10 hours ago.

I don't know how I feel about whether these confessions were coerced, but I also can't really argue with DNA evidence. Anyway, it's a lot to think about. And I'll probably think about it the next time I take that shortcut in the park.

Wine and chocolate.

2009-02-24T21:35:00.003-05:00

I am not Catholic, or anything really, but I wonder each year, if I were, what would I give up for Lent?

The concept makes little sense to me. I know it's a religious thing, and actually stands for and means something, but what's the big deal about giving something up for 40 days? (It's 40 days, right? Am I making that up?) Why isn't it that you have to give up something FOREVER? Maybe by the time you reach middle age you'd have nothing left to eat besides spinach and nothing left to do besides work.

I've read a bunch of facebook status messages that people are giving up facebook for Lent. I think if you are writing that, you're probably too addicted to facebook to give it up. Then there's the obligatory food issues. Chocolate, carbs (ooooh! evil! wtf I hate everything), white flour, white foods, etc. And the drink. All alcohol, wine, whiskey, etc. Again, if you think you need to give up alcohol for Lent, you are DEFINITELY drinking too much.

I am currently drinking an extra large glass of wine. What of it?

Thoughts on the eve of my 28th birthday.

2009-02-19T22:52:00.003-05:00

I just found out that one of my best friends from college, whose wedding I traveled to in Austin, TX less than a year ago, is pregnant with her first child.

I am back to having my own office at the firm.

I am now officially the only one in my immediate circle of friends without a significant other.

I like my job maybe 50% of the time. And I put in a lot of time.

I have a wonderful slightly to very crazy family, and I'm lucky to have them.

There's something I really want to do, something I think I'd be really good at, but I have about a 1% chance of doing it.

I don't picture my wedding the way most girls picture theirs as they get older. I just picture being married.

I've been thinking of leaving New York. I just don't know where to go.

Sometimes I can picture myself being a judge. Sometimes I can't imagine practicing law for one more week let alone many, many more years.

Happy birthday to me. Here's to getting tipsy and kissing a cute boy.

Next up: Yes, ghosts really do live here.

This is the most useless post ever.

2009-02-15T18:05:00.003-05:00

But I have no one left to complain to.

I have had no heat or hot water in my apartment all day.

I have only one Duraflame log left.

I have not taken a shower.

I worked out six days this week, have no desire to work out right now, but don't want to go to the gym only to shower.

If the problem isn't fixed tonight, which doesn't seem likely even though the entire building has called the super and the landlord, I will just be dirty and go to the gym in the morning.

I pay too much in rent for this bullshit.

At least I don't have to go to work tomorrow.

Although I will be doing work most of the day.

How many pots of water would I have to boil to take an old school style bath?

My ire is so raised.

2009-02-11T20:35:00.003-05:00

I know it's been discussed to death, but this is my blog and so I get to discuss it my own way. What, you ask? The crazy psycho mentally unstable definitely had plastic surgery mom of the latest octuplets, Nadya Suleman. Here's the latest.

I guess it's all been said, but here's one thing I haven't read that seriously bothers me. First of all, if I am not able to have my own children, I would adopt before getting in vitro treatments. Hell, I plan on adopting even if I can pop them out one after another. Not that I'm likely to find this out any time soon. So here's the thing: this woman would NEVER have been able to adopt one kid, let alone 14. Unemployed. No degree. Receiving disability payments from a "work related injury." Single. Of the previous six kids, one is autistic and one is showing signs of cerebral palsy. (Let's not even discuss the developmental challenges the octuplets will face.) These things by themselves would not necessarily disqualify someone from adopting. Together, they would. (I know people in the know when it comes to this stuff.) Why is it that we think everyone has the god given right to reproduce yet we make adoptive parents jump through eight million hoops to get a baby? Yes, I realize there is no better choice, but it's still totally fucked up.

Back to Ms. Suleman. If she ends up with her own reality show, I'm jumping ship. I can't take it anymore. I'm moving to Antarctica or something.

Let's go with "flattered" instead of "freaked out."

2009-02-08T19:39:00.002-05:00

I was dropping off my dry cleaning and looking hot as usual. By hot I mean having the dog leash wrapped around my legs (because someone refuses to stand still) and wind-whipped wet hair plastered to my face.

I hadn't been to the cleaner's in about two months for a number of reasons - winter work clothing can go longer between cleanings, I'm not made of money, and I discovered Dryell. However, certain items needed the professional touch, so there I was. Usually, a customer provides his or her phone number, the guy pulls up the account, prints out a ticket, and sends the person off. So I'm standing there, chatting amicably, and am handed my ticket. But..."I, um, didn't give you my number, did I?"

"Oh, well, I just knew who you were."

"Oh! Um, ok! Have a nice day."

I'm thinking that Dry Cleaner Guy and I will be very happy together.

A support group?!

2009-01-28T21:21:00.003-05:00

Are you effing kidding me?

My favorite line: Another wrote, fearfully, that her beau had told her to make a list of their favorite New York restaurants before the bad market forced a move to the Midwest.

Um, I live here, and I one of my secret dreams is to pick up and move to Montana/Wyoming/North Dakota, meet a soulful cowboy/rancher and practice small town law while basking in the wide open space.

These people are the suck.

This started out as a different post.

2009-01-25T19:18:00.004-05:00

But I kept erasing it because I couldn't find the right tone. So I don't think it was meant to be.

Instead, I'll relay a dream I had last night, more for me than you, so I can later try to figure out what it all means.

I was sick. Not cancer, but something really bad. Something without a cure. In the hospital. But the hallway. Not an actual room. On a gurney, in the hallway, between two rooms where two other people I knew were also staying. I'm not sure who they were.

My entire extended family showed up at one point or another during the sequence. Hushed whispers abounded, and I saw my mother looking worriedly at the doctors.

Suddenly, we were all at a party. At some lavish mansion in a warm climate with a lot of people I didn't know. I was still sick, but this was some kind of fundraiser for my treatment. I did my best to put on a smile, but inside I was dying. Literally. I excused myself to the spa-like bathroom where I curled up on the cool tile and listened to the rhythmic sound of the bass from the music downstairs.

I have nothing to say, but in the interest of keeping readers...

2009-01-21T21:04:00.003-05:00

The season premiere of Lost started five minutes ago, but I hate commercials, and am therefore waiting to begin watching until 9:30.

Like Grace, I too have a thing I am not going to talk about until it is resolved, but let's just say it's the last thing I think about before I fall asleep. While Grace's appears to be a negative thing, mine is more neutral at this point and could go either way. I'm waiting and seeing for now.

I've realized that Yellow Tail Shiraz might be the only red wine I really like. Classy taste I have, no?

I'm sad ER is ending. And I kind of think Clooney is a dick for not doing one damn guest appearance. I mean really. Do you not remember your roots, George? Where it all started? Pleeeeeeeeeze.

I'm still on an Inauguration Day high. Although I can't believe John Roberts fucked up the oath? Someone's bitter President Obama (it sounds good, huh?!) didn't vote to confirm him...

I went to a dinner party tonight.

2009-01-18T02:40:00.002-05:00

I arrived late.

Because I spent a solid half an hour hyperventilating and slightly crying in my apartment prior to leaving. Why?

Because I couldn't put on a bracelet that I got for Christmas. It was one of those things where you realize you just NEED another person to help you do something like fasten a clasp because you can't do it with one hand. I don't have another person. I'm nowhere near having another person.

Yeah. So that happened. After I spent the previous night and most of the day comforting a good friend who is wrapped up in a total shitshow of a relationship. She got locked out of her apartment after a fight with the on again off again boyfriend and spent the night on my couch.

But I bet she doesn't have any problem wearing a bracelet with a delicate clasp.

January is rough.

2009-01-16T21:36:00.008-05:00

There's snow everywhere.

However, the cold has won out over my fear of burning my apartment building down.

There's also this.

She makes the cold warmer and the heat cooler. Yes she does.

(Yes, I have bars on my windows. I live in a nice neighborhood, but it's still on the ground floor, ok?)

Stolen Lines #1

2009-01-14T22:12:00.003-05:00

I tried to think of the right answer. Unable to think of that, I spoke anyway.

"Because I'm not."

When the woman first walked into the subway car, I knew right away she was going to be one of the more in your face people. The tattered and dirty clothes, noticeable stench in the middle of winter, and a picture of two young kids hanging around her neck made it obvious, but the way she moved perked me up. The New York City homeless, more than others, have a tacit understanding with those they seek help from. If you're gonna ask me for money, don't even think about invading my personal space.

"Do you have any change?"

"No, sorry."

"Come on, I know you got something. Why aren't you gonna help my babies eat?" She pointed to the picture hanging from bright blue yarn around her neck.

I tried to think of the right answer. Unable to think of that, I spoke anyway.

"Because I'm not." I'm not going to be guilted into it by a homeless person at least, I thought to myself.

"Please ma'am. Pleeeeeaaase." She was a few inches from me at this point. The other passengers grasped their bags tightly and shot me glances of their condolences.

"Hey." It came out sharper than I intended, but she was leaning in and had totally crossed the boundary.

"What? What? You think you own this train? Like I got no right to be here?"

I tried to think of the right answer. Unable to think of that, I spoke anyway.

What was the right answer? "Sure, you have a right to be here, although it is illegal to panhandle. And FYI, there's even a separate statute against panhandling on the property of the New York City Transit Authority. It carries higher penalties." No, I'm pretty sure that would have been the nerdy answer.

But I snapped. And spoke anyway.

"MOVE. Or I will have you arrested. "

She moved.

-------------------------------------------------------------
True story. I was in no mood that night. The first two sentences are stolen from Night of the Avenging Blowfish by John Welter. I may be the last to post as part of Grace's Blog Experiment this time around. However, I heart her and want to do it again soon.

I don't do resolutions.

2009-01-02T20:37:00.003-05:00

But I do do (hee) lists. And in an effort (not a resolution) to be more positive, or at least bring the positive with the negative, I'm gonna take a page from the old Oprah playbook and write down things I am grateful for:

My beloved, crazy, snoring 15 year old dog. Even when she falls off the top of the couch and lands on my laptop in my lap and knocks off the 'Alt' key. It's not the most important key on the board, and hey, there's gotta be a reason there's two of them anyway.

My health. Sure, I could eat only organic stuff, a bit less cheese, no diet coke, etc. But you know what? I ran a freaking marathon this year, I get precisely two colds per year (the winter one is winding down), I have no history of cancer in my family, and although I do have a history of heart disease, my lifestyle pushes against that every day. Except for things like, uh, cheese.

My job. Yes, I rant and rave. A lot. I'm still searching for what's better out there. But believe me, I know how hard decent jobs are to come by, and I'm employed. So that's something.

My family. They are whackjobs. But loveable ones.

My apartment. I live in one of the greatest neighborhoods in one of the greatest cities in the freaking world. I could do worse.

My close friends. Who I don't see as much as I'd like due to our collective schedules, but who I trust implicitly and completely.

My not so close friends even. Hey, Facebook is a great procrastination tool. And hooray for my fellow bloggers, who, honestly, probably know more about me than certain Facebook friends.

My flatscreen. Because, well, let's be honest.

What I did on my winter vacation...

2008-12-30T15:46:00.003-05:00

In semi-chronological order...

Underwent year end review in which I was told nothing but good things but as of yet no hard numbers for this coming year's salary.
Got appropriately drunk at office holiday party.
Arrived at my parents' house to find out that their hot water heater had died.
Took two days worth of showers at out of town neighbors' house.
Got some fun loot. "How to Cook Everything Vegetarian", fancy running gloves and a desperately desired headboard for my bed being the best.
Came down with the mother of all colds.
Spent literally a full day in bed in and out of sleep.
Went to a yoga class with my mom.
Remembered how sore yoga makes me the day after and vowed to do it more often.
Saw Marley and Me. Wiped tears and snot all over my shirt sleeve.
Came back to New York.
Nearly cleaned out my DVR.
Wondered why Heroes hasn't been shitcanned yet.
Had a final day off.
Billed 4.7 hours during my final day off.

Working tomorrow and Friday. I hate New Year's Eve but will probably end up at a friend's apartment party if I'm no longer blowing my nose every three minutes.

Dear President Bush and Congressmen and Senators of the United States of America,

2008-12-21T11:36:00.004-05:00

I have a small proposition. You are in the midst of giving Wall Street and the Big Three (at least two of them) many many billions of dollars because they made terrible financial decisions over the past decade or so. What have I been doing over the past decade? Well, let me tell you. I graduated from high school very near the top of my class, went to a very good university where I worked part time and signed many loan contracts and my parents still had to scrape to pay partial tuition, then went to a very good law school where I again worked part time and signed many more loan contracts. My brain is worth somewhere in the range of a quarter of a million dollars.

Now, just like those Wall Street tycoons and auto executives, I have a bit of a problem. I'm in a lot of debt and I have no hope of getting out of it by myself for the foreseeable future. Granted, if I had to file for bankruptcy, no one else would lose his or her job. But I'm pretty sure lots of people are still going to lose their jobs even with your help to Wall Street and car people.

So what am I asking for? A pithy little one tenth of one percent of what you've given these yahoos. What's another $150,000 to borrow from China at this point? Just so you know, I'm just gonna keep asking, and it's still gonna be $150,000 each time I ask because you see, even though I pay close to $1000 per month to the vulture loan people, it's mostly interest payments. You know alllll about interest payments.

So, please just think about it. They've done everything wrong and are getting bailed out. I've done (mostly) everything right. Can I get a little help too? Dubya, you could just tack it onto your last few outgoing executive orders before you skip town back to Texas. I know I've said some harsh things about you over the last 8 years but here's your chance to make it up to at least one citizen of this country. Come on, it'll give you the warm fuzzies.

Thanks so much. Happy Holidays.

Sincerely,
Harmless Error

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

2008-12-18T19:59:00.004-05:00

Downing three Advil Liqui-gels with pino grigio probably won't kill me, right? Ok then.

I have a confession to make. I am obsessed with the Twilight series. Stephanie Meyer is a spectacularly bad writer ("till" - not "until" - appears as a word in the first book - hello editors?), but man, does she know how to pull at a girl's heartstrings. Vampires? Eternal love? Grave danger? (Repressed desire and palpable sexual tension?) Sign me up. I've sped through the first two books in two weeks, and Amazon gloriously delivered the third and fourth today. (Merry Christmas to me. Screw everyone else for now. No I haven't done any shopping.) The story's pull is otherworldly, and yet I am fully aware of how ridiculous it is (movie included - which means it will probably end up in my dvd collection). I seriously contemplated calling in sick one day last week just to stay home and read. Yes, I have issues.

I'm supposedly going to the parents' place for Christmas, but I think my mom and I may be fighting. We haven't spoken since Saturday (there was yelling, I hung up), so I may spend Christmas alone in New York.

Yay holidays.

Uh. Fuck?

2008-12-12T20:16:00.001-05:00

I sure as hell picked a fabulous time to decide I want a new job.

Why do I love NYC?

2008-12-07T20:01:00.004-05:00

Because even walking down the street in the most overpriced trendy spendy section of the city, that's right, the Lower East Side, where the blood, sweat, and tears of Eastern European early twentieth century immigrants rest, you can still find not one, not two, not three, but four (4!) unwrapped (and therefore presumably used) condoms on a one block span of sidewalk. And when one of them sticks to your friend's drunken heel (yes, even her heel was drunk) at 1am, you can laugh uncontrollably for five minutes straight.

And sometimes? You need a good five minute laugh.

Brr...

2008-12-06T11:11:00.002-05:00

It's getting harder to go out for longish runs on Saturday. Maybe because it's below freezing right now and Chloe is snoring on my leg.

Fight. Fight fight fight!

2008-12-02T20:21:00.003-05:00

It seems like it's all I ever do lately. Fight in court. Fight on the phone. Fight to get on the subway. Fight to make ends meet. Fight the slutty woman who tried to steal my friend's seat at the movie theater the other day (man did she lose that fight). Fight to get out of bed in the morning (not in the I'm-gonna-kill-myself way but more in the oh-my-god-I-can't-MOVE kind of way and would give anything to stay right here).

I hate to get all whiny and WHY ME and everything, especially when other people have to deal with tangible losses, whether it's getting shot by terrorists in five star hotels in India or having your wallet stolen by jerkoffs in Chicago, but.....wait, I'm just gonna stop here. Because I'm thinking I really should.

And so it begins.

2008-11-30T12:25:00.000-05:00

The job search, that is.

Merry Happy Thanksgiving New Christmas Hanukkah Year.

2008-11-28T18:56:00.004-05:00

There are two topics that should be outlawed from being discussed at holiday family gatherings: significant others and money.

So what was I asked about on five different occasions by three different people?

1. So, are you seeing anyone?
2. So how much money are you making now?

My answers? Stand there awkwardly and take a gulp of wine.

First of all, if I were seeing anyone I would want you to know about, I WOULD BE EXCITED ENOUGH TO TELL YOU.

Second, I make more money than you, but I also live in the most expensive city in the world and am $150,000 in debt. So you're actually in a better financial situation than I am at the current moment, and thank you for reminding me I never should have gone to law school. I appreciate it.

This is fucking insane. I know it happens at least once every year, but this guy was just going to work and probably dreading dealing with such assholes at 5am, and how do they thank him? By trampling him to death. If any of these people have more than $1000 worth of credit card debt, they should have been the ones stomped to death. I'm not usually very pro-plaintiff when it comes to things like this, but I'd represent this guy's family in a heartbeat.

It's a short week.

2008-11-24T08:21:00.001-05:00

I can totally do it. Absolutely. No problem.

Damnit I just want to go back to sleep.

I'm still 12 years old.

2008-11-18T22:16:00.002-05:00

Oh, the joys and perils of Facebook.

A while back, I was friended (I love that "friend" is now a verb) by a boy. Let's call him Brad. Because he was the Brad Pitt of my junior high school. In 6th grade, Brad tripped me at a roller skating birthday party. I broke all four fingers in the growth plate of my left hand. There was a cast. There was what I can only describe as an ancient torture device in which the doctors made me place my fingers in mesh wiring and then they pulled it tight to straighten out the joints. There was screaming.

A group of my junior high classmates have a Facebook group in which we sort of keep in touch, write funny things, etc. You know how it goes. I wrote something about this infamous roller skating party - a sort of tongue in cheek "favorite memory."

Low and behold, today I received a message from Brad. In sum, he's always felt terrible about what happened and how I got hurt, and he realizes "what a little asshole" he used to be.

I hate myself for feeling this way and admitting it, but I've been...giddy all day because of this damn email. What the hell is wrong with me? We were 12. Yes, I had a crush on him. Everyone had a crush on him. The female teachers had a crush on him. I wouldn't be surprised if the male ones did too.

It's been six hours, and I'm still thinking about good old Brad. How can someone still have power over me like that? In every "measurable" aspect of life, I win. I live in Manhattan. He lives in the same podunk town in NJ where we grew up. I'm a lawyer. He works at his family's store. I know this sounds bitchy. I can't help it.

Oh Brad.

This post has no point.

2008-11-15T23:12:00.002-05:00

My sister is coming to visit on Friday and is staying through Thanksgiving weekend. She's staying at her friend's apartment (the friend will be out of town) about twenty blocks away, which is probably a good thing because having her stay with me in my spacious yet cozy studio apartment for ten days would probably spell death for both of us by day 4. I haven't seen her since August 2007 (!!) but we talk a lot on the phone and online. I'm looking forward to her visit but I'm not looking forward to the money I will undoubtedly spend on frivolous items while she is here.

It's 11pm on a Saturday night and I'm watching Save The Last Dance on TNT? I turned down an offer to go see the new Bond flick because I fell asleep after doing three hours of work and couldn't rouse myself enough to get from my apartment to the movie theater. That would require, you know, putting on something other than sweat pants.

I ran this morning in the pouring rain. I mean downpour. I looked like I had jumped in a pool. It was kinda fun until I had a terrible thought that my ipod earphones could maybe electrocute me and fry my brain.

I have crossed over to the dark side.

2008-11-11T21:47:00.003-05:00

I just spent the last hour reorganizing my closet according to the following parameters:

Suits
Dress Pants
Skirts
Button down shirts
Other Tops
Sweaters
Camisoles
Jackets

Within each category, items are organized by color. Within each color, they hang according to type of fabric.

Someone needs a life. And that someone is me. Before I attack my dresser drawers too.

Eye Contact!

2008-11-06T20:15:00.001-05:00

It's totally true.

It's Morning in America.

2008-11-04T23:07:00.000-05:00

Yes.

I love Anderson Cooper's tie.

2008-11-04T19:36:00.003-05:00

And that's all I'm gonna say. I was supposed to have friends come over, but everyone is dropping out for one reason or another. Stuck at work (corporate lawyers suck and I never want to be one), too tired, etc. So I'm here alone with Grey Goose and takeout menus. Although my blackberry is buzzing constantly because even if my friends are all separated we're constantly emailing.

Which network should I watch? I'm flipping around too much.

Don't forget to turn your clocks back tonight.

2008-11-01T18:02:00.005-04:00

The NYC Marathon is tomorrow, and running through Central Park today I got to see the finish area being all set up. And I found myself wishing I were running it! I guess I caught the marathon bug. The NYC Marathon is notoriously difficult to get into, but I have a (small) shot with the lottery system for 2009. We'll see what happens.

John McCain! Not Hussein! OMG! So clever! I give Palin props (no one is more shocked than I am) for ignoring them if she did in fact hear them.

I am not assuming ANYTHING here, but if Obama pulls this thing off, does anyone think Bristol Palin is actually gonna marry that fuckin' redneck? His words, not mine.

Finally, I adjourned a court appearance that was scheduled for this coming Wednesday morning to the following week. Why? Because I can, and because I have a feeling it's going to be a late night.

That didn't take long.

2008-10-28T19:47:00.005-04:00

If ever there was a day for a rant...

First of all, it's 39 degrees outside right now. It was snowing before, but now it's raining, but it's going to snow again later. Yippee! Snow in October! Oh wait. What the fuck? I like winter. I love snow. I did NOT like it when I slipped and FELL this morning walking from the subway to the courthouse and RIPPED MY SUIT PANTS on the knee. This is so not fixable.* And totally embarrassing. The woman who helped me up was very sweet, but I was near tears. And then I had to explain to the judge why I looked like a homeless drowned rat. And then the judge got snarky with me because I didn't know the 1,475,982 intricacies of the case I was appearing on because, well, it's not my case and I found out at 9:30 last night that someone else couldn't do it because "WAHHH my kid is sick and I'm staying home tomorrow and you deal with it". The judge didn't really like that explanation. But then the ADA looked like a jackass for another reason so we pretty much broke even.

Later, back at the office with my cold wet clothes and freezing feet (I was THIS close to buying drugstore sweatpants and fuzzy socks and wearing them for the rest of the day), I had at least 5 back and forth phone calls with opposing counsel on a case we are trying to settle, and for some reason he thought it would help his case to point out that he's been practicing law for longer than I've been alive and he's never had this much trouble settling a case like this. Well, I'm sorry sir, but I don't give a crap how long you've been practicing. Call me back when you and your client get a clue.

I am now home and just finished a half-assed review of a file for a deposition tomorrow, I'm on my second glass of wine (yes I was drinking while doing work - so SUE ME!), and I kind of wish Michael Myers would pay me a visit tonight so I wouldn't have to get out of bed tomorrow. When it will be snowing.

Finally, I have serious anxiety (I mean it) about what will happen one week from tonight. Screw the polls. I am nervous. I trust no one.

* Kudos to anyone who can identify the movie reference.

I got nuthin'

2008-10-27T20:14:00.002-04:00

Nothing at all. I'm tired of ranting. You're tired of my ranting.

Maybe something will inspire me soon. Stay tuned.

Ben Affleck should go into politics.

2008-10-19T11:07:00.004-04:00

Because he made a very important and necessary point that the media has failed to point out over the last few weeks.

By way of background, if you haven't seen this, check it out:

And then, behold. Friday night. Go to 5:15 to be precise, although Martin Short is of course hilarious and awesome:

And this morning, former Secretary of State Colin Powell speaks eloquently and almost tearfully about these tactics. Go to about 4:20 for the key:

Simply put, Arab does not equal Terrorist. To suggest or assert otherwise is disgraceful.

Bliss

2008-10-17T19:32:00.003-04:00

I have stumbled across an untapped reservoir of beauty. I am now DVR-ing The West Wing, which until recently I didn't realize airs each morning on Bravo.

Good. Old. Days.

Live Blogging the Third (and Last!) Presidential Debate.

2008-10-15T20:54:00.005-04:00

CNN has once again collected a group of "undecided" voters in Columbus, OH and we get to see how they react in real time to the candidates' answers during the debate. I'm sorry, but these people suck. What else do the "undecided" want to hear at this point? We are three weeks away! Should Obama do some sort of hula dance? Should McCain name each of the jowels he has accumulated over the past couple of years? Seriously, what else do you want?

Oooh this is the one about "domestic issues." Like that will stop them from totally not answering the questions. Bob Schieffer looks spiffy. And totally botoxy. John McCain is unnaturally smily. It's weird.

Americans are hurting. Blah blah blah. Bob: Would you like to ask him a question? John: Uh, no. HA! Aww, Joe the Plumber was trying to realize the American dream. Poor Joe. Oh wait a minute! JOE HAS A SIXPACK! Joe will be fine! Jesus. Christ.

John McCain says "We have to stop sending $700 billion a year to countries that don't like us very much." !!!! REALLY? Um, like the one we've been in for five and a half fucking years? Hmph.

I don't like this hatchet versus scalpal metaphor. It's like a very boring horror movie.

Ooooooh. NASTY CAMPAIGNING question. Are you FUCKING kidding me? He should have done more town hall meetings with me? Why, because the last one went so brilliantly for you? Ok, John Lewis hurt your feelings. What about your silence when people at your rallies scream "Kill him!" Ass. OMG you HAVEN'T repudiated anything! And if you are right now you are barely doing so! I'm gonna have a heart attack.

Running mates question! Oh Barack, don't slip and and actually say what a fucking idiot she is out loud. Core values, good good. Aww, she's a reformer. Well, a reform guard maybe. Sweat out the old boy crony network? You mean, you? Special needs families? That makes her qualified to be president?

What's with the smirking, John? You look constipated. And the morris code blinking is really starting to freak me out.

Foreign oil question. This is when I get sleepy. "Mortgaging our children's future" is a catchy phrase, but it makes me picture my non-existent kids as little bankers in suits. Which I do not like. Maybe that's the point.

You wanna make an issue of how Senator Obama has never traveled south of our border? Um, your running mate didn't have a passport until six months ago.

For fuck's sake. Can you explain what some of these "preconditions" are that you mention oh so slyly?

Health care question. Break my heart, Barack. Break my heart. Preventative care! YES. I remember when I was 12 in social studies class, and I raised my hand and said, "Why doesn't the country ever do things that prevent the problems we have and the ones we can see coming?" I swear. I was 12 and I understood the importance of preventative care.

My old buddy. Joe the plumber. Six pack Joe. He's gonna fine you, Joe! Be afraid, Joe! Be very afraid! Actually, Joe, he's not gonna fine you. ZERO. I, Barack, exempt small businesses from having to pay. Large businesses, if you don't pay? You're fucked. Oh, now Joe is rich! Congratulations! Now you have to pay a fine!

Joe, I hate you. Go jump off a cliff and stop dominating this debate.

Roe v. Wade! Supreme Court! Ugh, litmus test. I'm a federalist. State's rights. Blah blah blahzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Wait a minute. How could Senator Obama have voted against Justice Breyer? He was appointed to the Court in like 1981 or something. Obama was where? Just graduated from law school? I'm confused.

Rightly decided. Moral issue. Good people can disagree. Women are in the best place to make decision. Right to privacy not subject to state referendum. Good answer.

Pro-abortion movement? Not pro-choice? Ahh, words. You wily rascals. Health of the mother is not a valid thing? Huh? Oh, you're an adoptive parent? Where is your Bangladeshi daughter? Why don't we ever see her? Because someone might yell "Kill her!" Better keep he her hidden, then. Don't wanna piss off Joe the Plumber.

Barack Obama was a constitutional law professor at the University of Chicago. I think he knows the ins and outs of what it "allows" and what is allows us to do.

Education! FINALLY. Parents are important. Choice among schools. Find bad teachers another line of work? Huh? Maybe we shouldn't hire bad teachers in the first place. OMG do NOT talk to me about student loans. They make me cry. Every day.

Haha. Multiple people on Facebook now have status phrases regarding Joe the Plumber. Myself included.

Ok. John. Let me tell you something. Down syndrome is NOT the same as autism. It's just not. Sarah Palin does not know anything about autism from personal experience. Get it straight. It's embarrassing.

Ahhh, closing statements. MY FRIENDS! God, how I've missed the MY FRIENDS. Except, not really. Stump stump stump. Taxes healthcare education stop the spending children's futures trust us or not safe secure prosperous reform record service country first long line of McCains (so fucking what) honored and humbled.

Tough times last eight years crisis risk same failed policies same failed politics fundemental change decency generosity american people brighter days tax cuts healthcare college young people energy economy lift wages grow middle class democrats republicans independents come together honor work every day for you and your children.

THE END! Go vote now! It will make you feel big and strong!

Sublime Pain

2008-10-13T18:12:00.007-04:00

You guys. I did it.

26.2 miles in just under 5 hours and 30 minutes. I totally broke down in the last 6 miles. Forget 13 miles being the halfway point. The split is definitely 20 and 6. I started to really hurt around mile 17 but knew I still had a looong way to go, so I gritted my teeth (along with other things) and kept moving.

And then my legs began to HATE me. Somewhere around mile 21 I really didn't think I was going to make it. There were a few tears, but my cheering section got me through it and I don't know if I would have made it without them.

Leave it to a Type A perfectionist to focus on the fact that she could have done it faster (I was on target for 5 hours until the breakdown point), but getting faster will be the goal for next time. I now know I CAN do it. So that's that.

Oh, and my legs? They still hate me. As do my arms actually, and my shoulders, my back, and my heels. Going down steps is the worst (it engages the quads the most), and it may take me an extra half hour to get to work tomorrow because of the subway steps. I've been moving around like a 90 year old lady for the past two days.

Anyway, here's a shot along the course (I think about mile 10):

Crossing the finish line (that guy totally got in the way of my mom's vantage point):

The day after:

Chloe and Sammy (my parents' cat) were tired too:

I'm cold.

2008-10-08T07:41:00.003-04:00

I got into bed at 9:30 last night but stupidly kept watching the debate, my friends, so I didn't actually fall asleep until near 11. And then I woke up at 2 freezing my butt off, and am now sitting on my couch wrapped in a a sweatshirt and blanket. It's 46 degrees outside, and that weird time of year when many landlords have yet to turn on the heat in their buildings because it can still climb into the 70s during the day. We pay for electric (including a/c) but luckily don't have to worry about the rising cost of heating oil, except I guess that may be one reason why my rent is going up by $30/month beginning in January. Damnit.

Yesterday was a short run, today's a rest day, tomorrow's a shorter run just to stay loose (but come on - 2 miles? I know myself well enough to know I'll run 3), and that's it. I've had a headache for the last 24 hours which I think is a result of adrenaline that is already beginning to course through my system. I also probably shouldn't have worked on my appellate brief until 8pm, but I was in the zone, and it has to get done before I take off on Friday.

Now I'm going to get into a hot shower, drink more coffee, begin carbo loading (Kashi whole grain blueberry toaster waffles! yum!), and go to court for what is bound to be an adjournment of a motion argument, which is fine with me because if I had to argue the intricacies of this particular statutory scheme right now I would probably have to resort to giving the judge big brown puppy dog eyes instead.

Rising to the Level of Mediocrity.

2008-10-04T15:12:00.004-04:00

I know you're probably sick of me whining about politics, but hey, it's my f*%&ing blog, ok, and I'll whine if I want to. At least I'm posting, right?

I hate to say it, but Gwen Iffil, who I generally have a lot of respect for, totally dropped the ball. She was so afraid of appearing biased, she sat there like a wet blanket and let Palin run amok. What kind of serious debate can be had when one of the debaters starts off by cheerfully asserting that she's not going to answer any questions that she doesn't want to and is just going to speak directly to the American people without this pesky media middleman? And Iffil let her do it. It wasn't Biden's job to hold her feet to the fire. It was Iffil's. And she blew it.

For all of Palin's wink wink nudge nudge substance free spewing, at least the general consensus seems to be that Biden won. The moment when he visibly choke up talking about being a single parent was unexpected and powerful. And what did she do? Continue to drone on blithely with her memorized talking points. Granted, how do you really respond to someone who gets emotional during a debate, but it was like she didn't even notice it happened. Or she just freaked out and pretended it didn't at all.

This summarizes my sentiments exactly. And this is pure genius.

One week from today, I will be an official marathoner. As further mental incentive, I'm beginning to tell myself that if I don't finish strong, McCain-Palin wins. And I can't have that.

Instincts

2008-09-28T13:00:00.005-04:00

Ever feel the need to just see what else is out there? Luckily, the tanking economy hasn't dampened the job market for attorneys who are possibly looking to switch firms. I haven't applied to anything, and I don't know that I will any time soon. But I'm starting to feel pigeonholed and a bit taken for granted where I am, and it's always good to explore one's options, right? If I jumped ship right now, my firm would be royally screwed. They know it. I know it. And hopefully they know that I know it. We have more work than we can handle even though we just hired someone.

I'm skipping what is supposed to be easy cross training today. An ache has invaded what feels like my bones, and with the marathon now less than two weeks away, I feel the need to protect what I have left.

Did anyone else fall asleep during the debate on Friday? Just me? Ok. Thursday should be much more entertaining.

And in today's installment of "I am a huge dork":

2008-09-22T20:31:00.002-04:00

This just got my heart thumping.

Wall Street

2008-09-21T11:02:00.004-04:00

First of all, I'm not going to pretend I understand much beyond the basics about this financial crisis. Except for the fact that no investment banks have been housed on Wall Street for the past 15 years. They're all in midtown. Anyway.

Who am I supposed to really feel bad for here? Certainly not these jackoffs who have made New York City somewhat of a nightmare for the rest of us. I keep hearing, "god, it's so sad, we all know someone who lost his or her job, right?" Well, maybe. I definitely do, but those people (at least those I know) still get three months of bloated severance pay and have enough saved at the age of 27 to support themselves for a long time. So really, no, I don't feel bad for you.

Yes, the banks should not have loaned every single American and his poodle money for a mortgage. People with a miniscule income and no foresight should not have thought it was a grand idea to Become a Homeowner! with no down payment. The government should not have allowed the market to take care of itself. Because the market is run by greedy assholes who are rewarded with billions of dollars for complete and utter failure.

And now I have to fucking pay for it.

20 Miles. By The Numbers.

2008-09-20T15:26:00.002-04:00

Miles: 20. Duh.
Gu Gels consumed: 4
Ounces of Gatorade consumed: ~ 16
Ounces of water consumed: ~ 32
Time: 3:55
Number of times I elbowed idiot tourists who shuffle along staring upward without a care in the world: 6
Temperature when I began: 53
Temperature when I finished: 64
Minutes it took to hail a cab to take me home because I couldn't walk another step: 10
Ounces of chocolate milk I drank post run: 8
Inches of a Subway sandwich I scarfed a few minutes ago: 12

For those who know NYC, I mapped out a pretty decent route (thank you Google maps!). Down the west side Hudson River parkway to the World Financial Center, across lower Manhattan at Chambers Street (past the courthouses I frequent all the time, which were kind of cool to see on a quiet empty Saturday morning), through part of Chinatown (where the majority of the elbowing of the tourists occurred), up the FDR Drive to 72nd Street, across the east side to Central Park, up 5th Avenue to 86th Street into the park, and a 4.5 mile loop in the park to finish. Yeah, there was no way in hell I was walking another 1.5 miles back home at that point.

Time to rest up, ice the shins, clean out the DVR a bit, and then drag myself up and out for a birthday party at which I will likely stay until 10:30 pm when I turn into a pumpkin.

This is my life?

2008-09-17T21:37:00.004-04:00

I ran ten miles this morning.

I billed ten hours today.

I found a ten dollar bill on the sidewalk. (Wheeee!)

I'm now eating pizza and drinking wine after venturing to the corner store in my pajamas, Panther Football t-shirt and ponytail and being given a "Hey, beautiful" by a stranger.

I still hate Sarah Palin. Just putting it out there. Sorry. Can't help it.

Have we learned nothing?

2008-09-11T20:58:00.004-04:00

Well, some of us haven't anyway.

Something happened today which I think will unfortunately affect my relationship with my new office mate. I know I don't need to have anything other than a working relationship with her, but let's face it: I like to chat about the news and politics. I don't need or want everyone to always agree with me, but I expect the level of discourse to be up to par. So. Behold:

I had to show ID at three different checkpoints in order to get into my office building today. There were more people in general and more security than last year. I didn't mind the inconveniences. Clearly, it's not a day to complain about the minutia of your own life. I had a 10 am deposition at the office, but because of the ceremony and resultant mass of people literally 15 feet from my building (the area for the families is separated from the area where the general public could be), the other parties were somewhat delayed getting through and getting upstairs. So I'm sitting there in the office chatting with Office Mate about how many people are outside. She says, and I quote: "Why are they even here? They're all foreigners - why do they even care?"

Breathe.

Me: "Uh, what do you mean? How could you know that at all?"

OM: "Oh I overheard a lot of them talking and, you know, just by looking at them."

Sigh.

That was the majority of our conversation for the rest of the day.

I emailed one of my best friends about it later on, and because she's awesome, here's part of her response:

whoa, WHAT? i'm glad you emailed me bc i was actually going to email you and ask how it was down there today, but WHAT?! first of all, her question is like asking why people who weren't personally affected by the holocaust visit auschwitz. um, they're there because it's a historical day/place and they're in the city and they're paying their goddamn respects and they want to experience it and be a part of it. second, by her logic, wtf does SHE care? does she have some personal tie to the attacks? it's like those people in the middle of missouri who have those goddamn stupid "never forget" bumper stickers. yes, as americans, we all experienced the effect of 9/11 to some degree, whether it's as little as your experience going through the shitshow that is airplane security nowadays or as great as the fact that you were actually fucking there (in WTC, or you, or my friend [X]). bc the people with closer ties to the attacks obviously felt/the effects deeper, how can you try to characterize or judge anyone's reaction or feelings about the attacks? it's unfair and everyone's allowed to feel exactly how they want to feel. it's a fucking tragedy. it's also retarded to think that it didn't affect people outside of america too--world's greatest superpower attacked on its own soil? helLOo, it's a big deal. slash, were these "foreigners" americans speaking another language (shock! we have a few of those in nyc!) or foreign nationals?

you didn't tell me she self-identifies as conservative. which is fine (i'm dating one! liberals are tolerant of conservatives!). but given the level of your interaction and the kind of relationship you have (pretty purely professional), it's inappropriate to talk about shit like that at work. you need to shut her down (nicely) if she brings it up again.

--------------------------

So. We'll see. For now, I'm wary.

Maybe I am smart?

2008-09-08T20:24:00.003-04:00

So I won a pretty big summary judgment motion today. The 5 page decision by the judge said that my arguments were "some of the most well-reasoned and articulate" that he had ever read on the issues involved. And then I got a congratulatory email from my boss (to the whole firm) as well as one from our client.

Basically, I kick ass.

There is no logic to my brain.

2008-09-07T09:24:00.004-04:00

I had one of those unsettling dreams where people from various parts of my life are all interacting with each other and I don't know what the hell is going on. Why are my boss and my friend from middle school talking to each other? Huh?

Our new attorney started this past week, and while I'm STILL not happy about sharing an office, it's not horrid so far. She doesn't seem like an idiot as far as I can tell, so I think we'll be ok. Then again, it's been a week.

This whole "Sarah Palin doesn't need you talk to you media types - she can talk directly to the American people!" thing is bullshit. Unless I myself can ask her directly why she thinks we're doing "God's work" in Iraq, I have to rely on the media to question her. Get her on a Sunday morning talk show. Stat.

I did 18 miles yesterday in the horrible humidity of the pre-Hanna downpour. It was pretty terrible. But I did it.

It's fashion week in New York City. Which means I get to feel even less stylish than normal. Yay! It takes way too much effort to dress like a grown up professional. If I had my way I would get to wear jeans, tank tops, hoodies every day.

I want pancakes. Correction. I want someone else to make pancakes for me. Mmm.

Can someone explain to me why John McCain is such a "maverick"? I don't get it. Also, it just makes me think about Top Gun, and then I get sad remembering how Tom Cruise used to be awesome. Speaking of McCain, he's using the whole "I was a tortured POW" thing the way Giuliani used 9/11. An answer to every god damn question he's asked. It's really not ok. Yes, both men were faced with something extreme and horrifying. It doesn't make you qualified to be president.

Obama and McCain will appear together at Ground Zero on Thursday morning. Great. Which means I'll probablyhave to show ID thirty times in order to get into my office building. Is Andrea Mitchell wearing a brown LEATHER suit? Yikes. Alan Greenspan is a lucky guy.

Don't Leave Me.

2008-09-03T20:13:00.003-04:00

I've had a bit of the writer's block as of late. Not that I've ever been interesting, but I've been feeling less able to articulate my thoughts lately, and basically want to respond to everything with gems such as "gimme a break", "nah ah!", "whatever", and "screw it".

So yeah. I suppose I'll watch Sarah Palin's speech tonight and try to refrain from rolling my eyes (too much).

And Daisy, if you're reading this, I'm a terrible person and am about three quarters through Beach Music, which I get to read only before bed each night because of all the damn legal crap I have to read during the majority of my waking hours. I hope to send you my comments within the next week. I do love it so.

DOES JOHN MCCAIN THINK WOMEN ARE STUPID?

2008-08-29T16:50:00.003-04:00

Because I find nothing but insult in the argument that disaffected Clinton supporters will vote for McCain simply because he picked a woman for the VP slot. Let's not even discuss the fact that she appears to be even less qualified for the office than Harriet Miers was for the Supreme Court. Seriously. It's certainly a role of the dice, but I wonder whether the Republican operatives are on acid.

I've been "working" at home today, and have gotten close to nothing done thanks to this insane announcement.

Apparently my blogging will be in list form for the foreseeable future.

2008-08-27T19:42:00.002-04:00

I have less than zero energy but lots of random thoughts, so here goes:

1. Watching a woman pop her boyfriend's zit on the subway was probably the most disgusting thing I've ever seen up close. *Shudder*

2. Michelle Obama rocks the sheath/shift dresses. Screw suits!

3. I really hope that moment when Sasha Obama grabbed the mic to speak to her daddy was unscripted and unplanned. Because it was totally adorable.

4. I was THIS CLOSE to walking out the door at 5pm with visions of pajamas and a glass of wine awaiting me when OF COURSE I got sucked back in by a phone call which took two hours to fully deal with and will make my day sucktastic tomorrow.

5. September? Next week? What???

Five reasons why the suburbs are awesome.

2008-08-22T13:03:00.003-04:00

1. Falling asleep to the sound of crickets is way better than falling asleep to the sound of traffic.
2. Target.
3. Supermarkets where more than one cart can fit down an aisle.
4. Soapnet. (Which is not included in my stupid NYC Time Warner Cable package. Damnit.)
5. Driving to restaurants instead of schlepping around on the subway.

Oof.

2008-08-19T20:58:00.002-04:00

So, I got to interact with this man again today. Mmmm. All aflutter.

And now, at 9pm, I get a heads up phone call that the bosses have rearranged our entire suite of offices, and starting tomorrow I'm in a different office, where I will be sharing with the new attorney when she starts after labor day. This wasn't a surprise at all - it's what I've been mad about for weeks - but I didn't think they were moving stuff around today. Apparently they got in the zone and decided to stay late and be manly and move furniture. I can just see them shedding their ties and rolling up their sleeves.

So why do I feel a little violated? Because I wasn't ready for it? Because they moved all my stuff and files and papers which were in semi-messy but still organized-to-me piles which I'm now going to have to go through and organize AGAIN tomorrow before I leave for my mini-vacation of all of three days off?

I have to run 8 miles in the morning and be at the office (in my NEW office, ugh) at 9 to prep a witness before a 10 am deposition. This means I have to get up at like 5. Awesome! So excited.

I'm going to bed.

So. Freaking. Tired.

2008-08-14T19:56:00.003-04:00

I'm definitely not eating enough. What seemed like 7 easy miles yesterday morning followed by a crazy day at work and barely any lunch plus working late resulted in leaden legs this morning for what was supposed to be the easy 4 mile run. Shit. This does not bode well for 15 on Saturday. I really have to pay more attention.

Also, everything just sort of aches. I may need to splurge for a massage.

Gymnastics final tonight in the all around competition. Does anyone else want to just give Alicia Sacramone a big hug? The fact that those girls (and Marta Karolyi, who you KNOW was doing the whole smile and hugging thing ONLY because the cameras were in her ugly mug of a face) were disappointed in the silver medal is, well, sad. However, I also think it's fucked up that no one is really questioning the Chinese girls' ages. I don't care what you say about ethnic differences in body types. A few of those girls are NOT 16 years old.

God. Are you ever so tired you want to cry? The fact that when my head hits the pillow I start thinking about motions I have to write does not help.

Because I'm Lazy.

2008-08-11T20:18:00.003-04:00

10 things you didn't know about me:

1. I have a debilitating fear of the ocean. Seriously. It's big. And scary. And dark. The ocean at night? I would sooner commit murder than go near it.

2. I quit gymnastics when my sadistic coaches tried to make me do a back handspring on the high beam before I could really do it on the low beam. Visions of a split skull invaded my 7 year old brain, and I knew this wasn't for me.

3. One of my fondest memories of childhood is watching 20/20 "with Hugh Downs and Barbara Walters" with my grandmother on Friday nights before she passed away.

4. Sometimes, when I feel stress/worry/fear/anxiety overtaking my psyche, I hit play on one of my DVR'd episodes of ER (TNT, 10 and 11 am weekday mornings) or The X Files (SciFi, 2am and 4 pm weekdays) and watch while simultaneously reading along to that specific television without pity recap. It calms my mind and makes me smile. Yes, I'm a dork.

5. My first kiss was perfect. (And it's all been downhill since.)

6. My right thumb is about half an inch shorter than my left thumb. No, I never sucked my thumb. I think it's a sign of intelligence.

7. Unless we're talking about a month long monsoon, I generally prefer rainy/cloudy days to overtly bright and sunny ones.

8. I have never eaten a single bite of red meat. Ever.

9. My torts outline from 1L year is floating around on the internet, and I have no idea how that happened considering I was not an outline sharer.

10. I truly need 9 hours of sleep per night. I'm pretty sure I'm not meant for this world.

Yeah right.

2008-08-10T16:02:00.002-04:00

Has anyone seen the McDonalds commercials that are running non-stop on NBC, in which Olympic athletes are espousing the wonders of some chicken sandwich which NONE OF THEM HAVE EVER OR WILL EVER EAT?

It really fucking bothers me.

8.8.08

2008-08-08T19:35:00.003-04:00

Ok, I totally wish I could be there. Instead, I'm here. Sniffling with a cold in August. Who gets a cold in August? Me.

John Edwards may be a douchebag. But he's still a smart one. Finally coming (semi)clean on a) a summer Friday, b) the day the Olympics start, and c) appearing only on Nightline at 11:30 pm? Yes, it will run continuously over the weekend and coming weeks, but it's no Elliot Spitzer press conference.

Back to the opening ceremonies. I'm sure I will cry at some point over the next two weeks of these games. Why not start now?

Oh man. Chicago's up for the 2016 Summer Olympics, which is AWESOME. But you know what would be more awesome (and really only because I live here)? NEW YORK CITY hosting the Olympics. Maybe someday.

Dog Days.

2008-08-03T11:21:00.004-04:00

Literally. Chloe had a vet appointment yesterday for her annual shots and check-up, and while the vet proclaimed she is very healthy for a girl of her age (15 in September! and hell, she was walking better than I was yesterday after my 13 miles), I agreed that she should undergo yearly blood tests to make sure everything is on track. So, $360 later, we left the vet's office. Now, granted, this included the exam, regular vaccines, three months of worth of Frontline, plus the blood panel. But. Jesus. Christ. For years she had been going to a family friend near my parents' house who charged us well, family friend prices. Now I have New York City prices. Hmmph. But, she's my girl. What can I do, right?

It's August. As in, I need a vacation. I haven't planned to go anywhere, and truthfully, can't afford anything lavish (see above) and have reached an age where going "home" for a week...doesn't sound very relaxing. Is it wrong to want to take a few days and head to a bed and breakfast all alone and do nothing but sleep, eat, and read (Beach Music!)? Yes, and run. Do single people really take single vacations? Or is that something we only see at the beginnings of sappy movies where the heroine laments her lonely life before meeting the perfect guy? See, Under the Tuscan Sun, Message in a Bottle. Ok, so they both loved and lost in those movies, but at least there was some adventure and drama in the middle.

Even Congress is on vacation. Not that they get much done when they're in session, but for the next five weeks they don't even have to pretend to get stuff done. Speaking of talking about doing stuff but not actually doing it, the election is soon, people! Like, really soon. We've been campaigning for basically for years, but the big day is 3 months away? How'd that happen? Shouldn't we have running mates at this point? Who? What?

Mad As Hell.

2008-07-30T21:47:00.002-04:00

and a little bit drunk.

and i still have to run four miles in the morning.

fuck.

however, congrats to those done with the bar exam. and if you were rocked by an earthquake during your first day of essays, at least you'll have a good story to tell.

....

2008-07-28T19:43:00.006-04:00

I've started receiving Lucky magazine - "the magazine about shopping and style" - in the mail for the past couple of months. I never subscribed. Not sure what's going on. Does someone in my life secretly think I dress badly and I should, as the July cover exclaims, partake in the "625 Secrets to Looking Great"?

I want the Cohens to adopt me.

Does anyone else have a sneaking suspicion that this whole "work" think isn't all it's cracked up to be? I'm not unhappy - things are going relatively well and I have tons of responsibility and trust from the higher ups and yada yada, but it just all feels so...sigh-worthy sometimes. At least right now. Maybe I need a summer vacation. Too bad I have no plans to take one.

Chloe has a doctor's appointment (yes, a vet, but it's her doctor, so whatever) on Saturday. Nothing but an annual check-up, but as she nears the ripe old age of 15, I can't help but be an overprotected unreasonably worried mommy.

I really need some more variety when it comes to my work clothing staples. Too bad I've spent all discretionary funds in the last few months on cute running apparel instead.

Finally, you don't need it, but GOOD LUCK to all bar-takers this week. You've heard it before, but I'll say it again. You WILL be FINE.

You mean I get to keep eating?

2008-07-26T12:43:00.003-04:00

12 miles. Toast with peanut butter, coffee, and water beforehand. Water, gatorade, and a gel pack during. (I should have brought two - last couple miles were brutal.) Ice bath followed by warm shower. Then, more food. I went for a scrambled egg plus two egg whites with shredded cheese and salsa wrapped in a tortilla.

It's barely 1pm. I've already eaten 800-900 calories. But I burned 1200. SO WEIRD.

I'm not doing this to lose weight. I've been in reasonably good shape for years, and just wanted to undertake the challenge. Certain pants do feel a bit looser, which is always nice. But this whole knowing how much to eat thing is worrisome. People tell me to "eat more than you think you should" but I've also heard about how some people actually gain weight during marathon training, strange as it may sound.

Fuck, things hurt. Left hip flexor. Right knee. Left baby toe. Right shin. HEELS. I'm gonna ice, watch the rest of Save the Last Dance on TBS, and possibly take a nap so I'll be ready to take on the dinner and party I have to attend tonight. In flats.

So the bar exam is next week, huh?

2008-07-21T20:09:00.004-04:00

I thought it was this week, and then when my office started scheduling interviews for a new attorney (yay for underlings!) for Tues, Wed, and Thurs, I piped up with "Um, people are taking the bar exam this week!" and was then informed that the bar exam is in fact next week and I am clearly an idiot.

An idiot who passed two bar exams, though. And believe me, if I could do it, so can you!

Picture it. Third weekend of July 2006. I had to get out of my apartment in Boston (and my two crazy bar studying roommates), so I drove to my parents' house a couple of hours away. Where I proceeded to alternate between studying, screening frantic phone calls (whatever you do, do NOT compare your last minute study habits to others or you will drive yourself crazy) and eating whatever wholesome goodness my mother cooked for me.

Saturday afternoon, I fell asleep in the backyard while going over some outline or another for the thousandth time. And I got a sunburn. Yes, I was tanning. Hey, two birds, one stone. But I didn't mean to fall asleep. No one came to check on me for hours because they thought I was studying and didn't want to be bothered. Yeah. I'm pretty sure they just couldn't stand being around me by that point, for which I can't blame them.

Nearly thirty-six hours and a bottle of aloe vera later, I drove back to Boston in order to get on Amtrak on Monday and head to NYC for the first two days of the exam. Somewhere on the MA Turnpike, there he was. The police officer whom I will love forever.

Here's the thing. I um, didn't realize the officer was pulling me over. For, oh, a good three to four minutes. Going nearly 85 in a 65 zone. There were flashing lights. Don't ask me why or how I didn't realize I was being pulled over. I just didn't. My thoughts, inexcusably, were elsewhere. Eventually I realized what was happening, nearly peed in my pants, and pulled over immediately.

When he walked up to my window, I could tell he was expecting a confrontation. Instead of giving him one, I immediately burst into tears and began apologizing profusely. In between my sniffles and pleas regarding how I was broke, so so broke, and could he make it a small ticket, and his "Ma'am, it's ok, calm down", I must have gotten to him. He pointed at the Barbri books scattered on the back seat, and asked when the exam was. "Two days," I replied.

I didn't get a ticket. He told me to slow down and take it easy, wished me luck on the exam, and proceeded to get into his cruiser and take off....into my heart forever.

Moral of the story? If, between now and the start of your bar exam, you find yourself in a situation totally of your own making, and you would never otherwise stoop to such a level, I give you permission to MILK IT FOR ALL IT'S WORTH.

The end.

P.S. The Dark Knight? Effing awesome. Witnessing an assault at a NYC multiplex because some "fucking ho!" (his words, not mine) wouldn't get in the back of the line? Priceless.

P.P.S. This? Double effing awesome!

Who wants to go back to high school?

2008-07-15T19:39:00.004-04:00

Next spring will be my ten year reunion, but it certainly doesn't feel that long. I doubt I'll go to the reunion itself. I speak to one person on a semi-regular basis and keep up with the rest on Facebook only. As in, we never actually have to converse or interact with each other. I mean, really, do I want to?

Tomorrow there is a NYC alumni happy hour thing (I was a scholarship kid at an overpriced private boarding school where I felt out of place for 4 years, ok? shut up) happening which I haven't RSVP'd to but someone emailed me and asked if I was planning on going. Um, no? I'll get a drink with you but I don't really want to stand around awkwardly while everyone downs at least two drinks before they feel comfortable enough to approach that guy/girl who they sat next to in some class 10+ years ago. Other than this one person who emailed me, I don't know who I would really talk to. I was the girl everyone thought was smart and nice and no one had a problem with, but no one really noticed me one way or the other either. At least that's how I saw myself.

Maybe you all have close friends from high school and don't understand what I'm talking about. If so, you're clearly not my target audience. (Kidding! Keep reading! I love you!) But my close friends are mostly college and some law school based people, and thinking about the years 1995-1999, well, it pretty much seems like a lifetime ago.

So I don't think I'm gonna go. Tentative dinner plans with a real friend have just been finalized, and honestly, a real connection beats a fake trying-too-hard one any day of the week.

Coming up: a post for all the bar exam takers out there. To give you something to look forward to: it involves the police. And a sunburn.

How to Tire of Music.

2008-07-10T20:28:00.002-04:00

Seems difficult, huh? Well, train for a marathon, and the same 1000 or so songs get old quickly. I haven't decided whether I'll be using the ipod during the actual marathon (Born to Run v. the cheering crowd?), but for now I've discovered the joy of audio books. I'm currently half way through one of James Patterson's Alex Cross murder mystery novels (I love them), but I feel the need to venture outside the box.

So, I'm taking recommendations. It needs to be engaging, intense but not requiring TOO much brain power, and possessing some quality which will make me focus on the story images in my head and not my breathing or the eventual ache in my legs, neck, shin, etc.

So what should I "read" next?

Wednesday Wonders

2008-07-09T19:38:00.002-04:00

Every New Yorker who braves the subway platforms during the month of July deserves a medal.

Every wide eyed camera-toting tourist in New York in July deserves to be pushed/elbowed/yelled at for getting in the way of those of us who are trying to get somewhere on time.

Going on "vacation" and emailing me once an hour about X/Y/Z does not qualify as a vacation, and when I take my vacation, don't expect any emails. Or responses.

To the bar exam studier who cut in front of me on the line at Whole Foods last night because you were too absorbed in your BarBri notes, you're lucky. Once you pass, all bets are off and your ass will be kicked to the back of the line.

I feel the need to rearrange my already organized closet so that my work and casual clothes are lined up by color in addition to type.

I forgot my shoes and ended up wearing flip flops to court today. I was prepared to be all chagrined if necessary. No one cared.

Law & Order on TNT never gets old.

Super special cushioned synthetic socks - $15 per pair. The absence of debilitating blisters? Priceless.

Right on schedule.

2008-07-08T21:51:00.002-04:00

I get this way every year around the 4th of July. I'm ready for fall already. Sweaters, crisp air, crunchy leaves. Ahh.

And it's so far away.

Cringe

2008-07-04T10:07:00.002-04:00

In honor of our nation's independence, I slept in:) Training-wise, Friday is a rest day. Which are "just as important as hard and easy days." So I'm taking full advantage. I may venture out to a bookstore later before trekking across town to join a million people to watch the fireworks (weather permitting), but mostly I will be napping and watching bad TV.

Speaking of which, has anyone ever watched that 4th hour of the Today Show? With Hoda Kotbe and, ahem, Kathie Lee Gifford? It doesn't just make you roll your eyes. It's more like wincing. No one ever said Kathie Lee was brilliant, but um, did anyone ever notice she's a kind of a racist idiot in that ever-annoying innocent kind of way? There's not only this, but also this morning's god-awful imitation of her Chinese driver's accent and how they have scintillating conversations because he barely speaks a word of English. Hey Kathie Lee, I'm pretty sure he's faking it. If I had to drive your sorry ass around town, I would pretend I didn't speak English either.

On that note, happy 4th everyone!

Well, that's about par for the course.

2008-07-01T22:30:00.002-04:00

My air conditioner just died.

Along with that little piece of my soul which takes note of every penny ripped from my bank account.

Welcome to The OC, Bitch.

2008-06-30T20:16:00.006-04:00

My sister, in what may be her most awesome act of sisterly love to date (kidding), bought me this, supposedly because she never bought me a birthday present back in February and needed to finish using an Amazon gift card that she had for a while.

It's fucking awesome. All 92 episodes. Remastered. Commentaries. Retrospectives. Deleted scenes. Music compilations. Totally cheesy and awesome packaging.

This definitely beats the motion I won today on the excitement scale.

Also, unrelated, this makes me sad. And mad. And, fuck, really mad.

What also makes me mad? The fact that a bug just landed in my glass of wine. Serves me right for trying to save money on my Con Ed bill by opening the window and giving the A/C a break.

This might be why I'm probably going to die alone.

2008-06-28T19:02:00.002-04:00

It's 7pm on a Saturday evening. I'm exhausted. I have ice packs on my shins, a bandage on my blistered baby toe, a glass of water on one side and a glass of wine on the other, delivery menus at my disposal, and I'm watching Ghost on HBO2. I'm wearing loungy capris and a tank top that has been washed so many times it's practically tissue paper, and having worn a suit for the past five days straight, the thought of changing into something more appropriate in which to leave my apartment makes me want to stick a needle in my eye.

I'm not a total loser though. I went to an improv show at the Upright Citizens Brigade last night, which was so freaking hilariously awesome my stomach hurt today from the laughing.

Hee. God, Whoopi is the shit in this movie. I love it.

Newsbreak.

2008-06-26T20:17:00.003-04:00

Has everyone heard about this case?

I hope this doesn't out me in any way, but considering I've already said I went to law school in Boston, and Boston has numerous law schools, I'm gonna admit that I worked for Mr. Entwistle's attorney while I was in law school. He is a formidable man. I remember a trial I second sat with him, my first real trial experience, and what did he drill into me more than any other legal concept?

The prosecution has the burden of proof and production of evidence in a criminal case.

If you've read/scene any of the coverage of the verdict, you'll see he's stuck to this concept. I mean, it's obviously correct, and he is an excellent attorney, but it just shows that, boy, they had NO CASE.

And what does this semi-criminal defense lawyer say? Good riddance, Mr. Entwistle.