The Brink.

Alright, I have three glasses of post-work wine down the hatch (which is enough to make a lightweight like me suitably drunk), so if this is a little less coherent than usual, so be it.

Work, despite the fact that I'm still barely 75% sure of anything that I'm doing at any given moment, is going very well. Partner #1 told me today that he is going to be "transferring a lot of responsibility" for a significant number of cases onto me so he can focus on a big trial that is coming up. He's said he's very pleased with the work that I've done so far, which must mean he trusts me enough to let me handle more on my own. I took it in stride, of course, saying how excited I am to take on more, etc., but inside I was filled with relief and excitement.

So on Tuesday I will be in court, for the first time as a licensed attorney, handling an appearance (or three) by myself. We are so jam packed with court dates that they want me to start doing some already. The week after I have been admitted. I have this vision of the judge asking me who the hell I am and me saying how I'm almost 26 years old and I was admitted to practice in NY last week and please don't tell me I'm an idiot already. And on Thursday there's a hearing for a motion that I'm writing, and Partner #2 mentioned that if he and Partner #1 are still on trial maybe I will have to argue it! Me. Argue a motion (which I have to finish this weekend because I don't think it's near good enough yet). The hell?!

So we'll see how this week goes. I know I'm ready for this, having argued in court as a law student many times, and on the other hand I CANNOT BELIEVE it's here already. I'm just a kid! Seriously! Who am I kidding?!

My friends who work at big firms are incredulous that I'm going to be in court already. I just smile. While I'm still jealous of their paychecks, I know I'd be miserable sitting in windowless offices (SHARED windowless offices at that whereas my office kicks ass) skimming through documents all day.

So work is good. The only other thing I can say about it is that I'm looking forward to becoming better friends with my colleagues. I know I'm the young and inexperienced one, but I really hope to have a kind of mentoring relationship with those in the firm. Because we're small, and it's clear that our (snarky, liberal, type A) personalities mesh (one reason I was hired I'm sure) I think that will happen.

And yet, I need more.

My friend A summed it up nicely when she said how she saw me as "at this great point where you're about to break wide open." Well, I don't know if "break wide open" is the way I'd describe it, but something's gotta give. My life has been too damn boring so far. I want passion and romance, damnit. Somehow that doesn't happen when you inevitably end up at happy hour with your silly and juvenile yet incredibly comfortable/comforting friends who knew you as a scared and shy college freshman and coaxed you out of your protective shell.

I know. Passion and romance aren't born out of going to bed at 11pm on a Friday night. And catcalls while out running or being given the once over by men from Harlem to Wall Street isn't quite doing it for me.

Itunes is on shuffle. And as usual, Otis has it right. They just have to Try a Little Tenderness.