1. Catch her in a weak moment at a bar when she's feeling generous with her phone number.
2. Cancel on her twice, each time the day of the planned drinks.
3. Never actually call her on the phone, since communicating by text message is obviously so much clearer and less ambiguous.
4. Be shorter than her. (Sorry. I just can't deal.)
5. Show up 20 minutes late when you finally do make a plan for drinks that sticks.
6. Wear some kind of weird gold bracelet that's definitely not a watch.
7. Regale her with some nonsense about how you can read her mind.
8. Grab her hand in feign attempt to mentally obtain her "answers."
9. Say you Tivo Meet the Press in an attempt to impress her, but then have no idea who Doris Kerns Goodwin or even Mary Matalin is.
10. Make repeated vague references to future get-togethers, even after she doesn't respond to your first vague reference.
Sigh. My dear, you know who you are out there - why aren't you here?
In less self-involved prose, I'd say it's pretty much a sure thing that Scooter Libby is in fact having the Best Week Ever. Sonofabitch.
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4 comments:
Sounds like a charmer. Where exactly in New Jersey did he grow up?
Good list! Which reminds me - why haven't you been posting on onmylist.com ? You are missing all of my awesome lists, such as "Best Springsteen lines" and "Best Single Malt Scotch." Hop to it, yo.
Hey now, no disparaging the Jers. It can produce brilliant beautiful amazing people like me. Or, yes, slightly off-kilter ones like him.
My list for the best Springsteen lines could go on for a long time, but here's what Itunes is coincidentally playing right now:
"Quiet afternoon in the empty house
On the edge of the bed you slip off your blouse
The room is burning with the noon sun
Your bittersweet taste on my tongue"
Great song. Any guy would be lucky to call you his Jersey Girl...
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