Sadness

Lily, the calico I adopted six months ago from the ASPCA, was put to sleep today. She had not been eating or drinking water very much for the past week or so, and then the past couple of days she stopped completely, and was very very weak. I was so focused on Chloe over the past few weeks and her doggie menopause (she's absolutely fine) I hadn't really considered Lily could be sick.

She had been lethargic but seemingly ok, but today she was unable to walk and visibly not ok. I rushed her to the vet, and the doctor performed one test, and knew right away that she had Feline Infectious Peritonitis (FIP), for which there is nothing to be done. She most likely contracted it in the shelter, and had it when I adopted her but only recently became symptomatic. I know there was nothing I could have done, and I only had her for 6 months, but it's still obviously extremely upsetting and painful.

I've clearly been a mess all day, on the phone with my mom (who was about to get in the car and drive 4 hours to NYC until I convinced her not to - I had been planning on going home next weekend anyway) and various friends, two of whom immediately got in a cab and met me at the vet's office.

I decided to stay in the room with Lily and the vet while the procedure was done, and although it was very difficult, I couldn't bear leaving her alone, although I'm sure it's a choice a lot of people make. I remember when Velvet, our family cat who was the same age as me, had to be put to sleep when I (and she) was 16, my mom stayed in the room with the vet but I couldn't do it. I guess we grow up.

And now I have to actually be a grown up and go to work tomorrow and get on with it. I may tell people first thing in the morning what happened, just so they don't wig out if/when I randomly tear up over the next few days.

Chloe better get used to my being clingy for a while.