"Counselor, would you PLEASE stop yelling at me?"

I said that about 10 times during today's 4 hour deposition. Other versions consisted of:

"Sir, there's no need to shout at me or anyone else here." Both the court reporter and interpreter were getting bitchslapped as well.

Attorney JackAss (AJA) is nearly 82. How do I know? He yelled it at me: "I've been doing this for 55 years! I'm going on 82!"

Um, then I really have no idea how you haven't been disbarred yet.

Aside from the blatant unprofessionalism, I know more about deposition practice in my 8 months as an admitted attorney than he has learned in 55 years.

A) You can't testify for your client. It's a big no-no.
B) If your client isn't answering my question, I can re-ask it in as many different ways and as many times as I please until I get a responsive answer. Just because your client has the IQ of a gnat doesn't take away my right to strike her answers as non-responsive.
C) "How much longer is this going to take? I have other things to do today." is a fucking retarded thing to say to the attorney taking the deposition. The answer? "As long as it takes. And longer if you keep interrupting me."
D) Just because you're 82 does not mean you can disregard new NY State Rules Regarding Deposition Conduct (enacted because of these kinds of abuses). Snidely remarking that my reading the rule into the record is "a waste of time" will not make you look any better in front of a judge.
E) Yelling at and accusing the interpreter (who I've worked with before and kept sharing sympathetic looks with) who has been sworn in to translate honestly to the best of his ability of misleading and confusing your client, who, again, is about as intelligent as the subway rat I saw get run over the other day, is not going to do anything for your case.
F) Words have distinct meanings. "Asked and answered" means shit when I'M ASKING A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT QUESTION.

We took a number of breaks when things began to boil over. I found myself in the restroom where I strongly told myself out loud to 1) not tear up in frustration and 2) not stick a pen in my eye.

And AJA hasn't even deposed our client yet. That should be fun.

After regaling Boss #1 when I got back to the office, we decided we will be moving for sanctions. I hope this case does go to trial. Aside from other legal arguments we have on our side, I can't wait to see the shenanigans AJA tries to pull in front of a jury. I sooo want this to be my first trial.