Dear President Bush and Congressmen and Senators of the United States of America,

I have a small proposition. You are in the midst of giving Wall Street and the Big Three (at least two of them) many many billions of dollars because they made terrible financial decisions over the past decade or so. What have I been doing over the past decade? Well, let me tell you. I graduated from high school very near the top of my class, went to a very good university where I worked part time and signed many loan contracts and my parents still had to scrape to pay partial tuition, then went to a very good law school where I again worked part time and signed many more loan contracts. My brain is worth somewhere in the range of a quarter of a million dollars.

Now, just like those Wall Street tycoons and auto executives, I have a bit of a problem. I'm in a lot of debt and I have no hope of getting out of it by myself for the foreseeable future. Granted, if I had to file for bankruptcy, no one else would lose his or her job. But I'm pretty sure lots of people are still going to lose their jobs even with your help to Wall Street and car people.

So what am I asking for? A pithy little one tenth of one percent of what you've given these yahoos. What's another $150,000 to borrow from China at this point? Just so you know, I'm just gonna keep asking, and it's still gonna be $150,000 each time I ask because you see, even though I pay close to $1000 per month to the vulture loan people, it's mostly interest payments. You know alllll about interest payments.

So, please just think about it. They've done everything wrong and are getting bailed out. I've done (mostly) everything right. Can I get a little help too? Dubya, you could just tack it onto your last few outgoing executive orders before you skip town back to Texas. I know I've said some harsh things about you over the last 8 years but here's your chance to make it up to at least one citizen of this country. Come on, it'll give you the warm fuzzies.

Thanks so much. Happy Holidays.

Sincerely,
Harmless Error