10 ways to rock a weekend wedding.

1. Buy a new camera to replace the one that was stolen.

2. Curse JetBlue and their never-working Direct TV.

3. Spend an hour in line to pick up the rental car even though the website said your online reservation guaranteed quicker service.

4. Watch your friend (not the bride) make out with some random guy in the bar during the bachelorette party.

5. Take another friend to the emergency room at 2am after he jumps from one hotel bed to the other and doesn't notice the low-hanging beam between said beds on which he slices open the top of his head.

6. Flirt with hot Texan ER doctor.

7. Get tan lines which look totally strange with your strapless dress worn to the wedding.

8. Cry when they say "I do."

9. Take 150 pictures with your new camera.

10. Sit near Stephen Baldwin on your flight back to NY. (Guys, he is totally weird looking. Billy definitely got the hot genes in that family.)

I Am So Not Sophisticated.

I'm gonna admit something that most educated professionals would decree as unacceptable. I don't love traveling. Whether it's Mexico or New Mexico, Alaska or Africa, I don't really want to go. It's not that I don't appreciate and value other cultures, traditions, cuisine, etc. I'm just kinda neurotic. I like routines. Schedules. Plans. And my money. I'd rather spend it making my home the most comfortable place it can be rather than deal with shitty exchange rates, jet lag, and geographical confusion. I think if I ever (and this is highly unlikely) have the means to not really care how much I spend on traveling, I'd probably enjoy it. But that hasn't happened yet. The two weeks I spent in Europe after the bar exam were nice, but the little "you're spending too much" bug never stopped buzzing around my head.

I do want to see this country before I really explore other countries. And I have freaking FAMILY in another country. A lot of family. Who I've never met. For various reasons having to do with my degenerate yet workaholic and brilliant yet crazy father. But I want to see Idaho. And Montana. And the fucking Grand Canyon. And actually, yes, Alaska. But when's it gonna happen? I go from one coast to the other and that's it. I'm a boring born and bred northeast chickadee who would rather spend $1000 on a TV (not that I have yet, but I'm saving) than a plane ticket. When a plane crashes, you die. When your TV crashes, you call the repair guy.

Brain Overload

We're leaving for San Fran tomorrow morning, I'm moving the day after we get back next Friday, which means I need to be all packed which is so not happening, and I still have to get a present for my mom, who deserves a hell of a lot after schlepping around NYC with me looking for an apartment, laying out the necessary money for the apartment which I will pay back, and overall for putting up with my obnoxious self for the past 4 months.

That was a long run-on sentence.

So I emailed my references a big thank you because they totally helped me get the job, and I've gotten two responses along the lines of "criminal defense?!" (from my DA buddies whose office barely hires anyone who doesn't have serious political connections) and "New York's gain is our loss and now I have another reason to be mad at this DA's office" (from my former professor/judge). It's funny. It sounds like they really wanted me to stay in Boston and work for the DA's office, yet being close to them wasn't enough to get me hired. Whatever. I'm psyched for New York, and when I make it big they can say they knew me when.

Ugh. I kind of hate flying. And when I say kind of I mean a lot. I flew back from Europe this past summer days after the big terrorist plot in London was revealed, and I was so nervous (we flew through London on the way home) and pissed off that I couldn't bring chapstick on the plane. After I got through security I realized I totally could have just stuck it in my bra or something, but that seemed extreme. No one knew how far the patdowns were gonna go...and I am seriously addicted to chapstick. Bert's Bees is the best. If it were still forbidden now I don't think I would be going to Cali.

At least I'll have plenty to read on the plane...the NY penal code, rules of disclosure and depositions, lots of fun stuff. I'm scared.