Things That Freak Me Out.

In no particular order:

1. The thought that even in nicely maintained NYC apartment buildings, there are mice.
2. Not feeling totally prepared and knowledgeable regarding where we are in the discovery process going into preliminary and compliance conferences.
3. Overhearing offhand remarks by opposing counsel that my client's claims are losers.
4. Sitting between two people on the subway who are both reading the bible.
5. Despite its widespread critical acclaim and adoring fan base, Friday Night Lights may not be renewed for a second season.
6. Running four miles on pure adrenaline at 7pm after eating only a bowl of cereal and a peanut butter and honey sandwich all day.
7. Going into the holding cell behind the courtroom to talk to a client only to get checked out and listen to "damn i'll take you as my lawyer."
8. This. and if you're not a Times Select subscriber, don't talk to me.
9. My bank account.
10. The idea that Tom Cruise is going to win an Oscar within 5 years.
11. My wireless router inexplicably stopped working and I am now using an ETHERNET cable for the time being. For shame.
12. The daily way my head fills with sludge and foam around 4pm in dire need of caffeine.
13. Getting 6 hours of sleep when I know I really need 8.

Ok, so as to not be a total whiner, things that make me happy:

(because this is me, the list is mighty shorter)

1. A relaxing dinner and bottle of wine with K, my best friend from college, fellow lawyer, and confidant.
2. Realizing after years of insecurity, doubt, and anxiety that, although I still have my issues and always will, I am objectively attractive.
3. My education and the opportunities ahead of me.
4. Music.
5. Sleeping in on Sundays.
6. DVR.
7. Really understanding the idea that in your working 20s, your friends become your second family.
8. The blog! (How did I live without it?)
9. The 13 year old pup. (I will NOT survive without her and can't think about that day...which will be a billion years from now.)

Damnit, my pessimism takes over and leaks into my happy thoughts too! Therapy, must make that happen.

Send me an angel.

Waaaaaa. So tired. And it's only Monday.

Court didn't like me today. And I didn't like it back.

*Shudder*

Does anyone else think the ABC pre-Oscar show is just difficult to watch? The celebrity schmoozing just seems so uncomfortable and embarrassing.

Yet I still watch. With my take-out and wine and NEW coffee table and area rug. Heeeee! The chocolate-colored leather queen size sofa bed is coming in a couple of weeks, and then I will literally never want to get up again. No interest financing for 90 days after delivery! A real adult purchase.

And today I thought about how my first loan payments are due April 1st. Awesome.

Who's looking forward to sloshing through the snow to court in the morning after staying up too late to find out who won best picture even though I've only seen two of the movies?

I am!

Some fortune.

Only I would get this fortune cookie:

"Serious troubles will bypass you."

Okaaaaay. So I guess that's...good? I'll just have a lot of "non-serious" troubles plaguing me for the rest of my life?

Sheesh.

In one pocket, out the other.

I was so good this week. I cooked dinner at home and brought my lunches to work.

Then tonight after work I spent $50 at Sephora.

It happens.

Dear marketing folks at ABC and Grey's Anatomy,

I hardly ever fall in love with a song so immediately after watching the show that I feel the need to download it right away if ever, but tonight I did, and after listening to you exclaim how I could "go to Itunes and download tonight's music" I did just that, only to find that the song I wanted isn't available on Itunes!

Boooo.

My cup runneth over...

Yes. Tear-inducing Friday Night Lights has done it again.

Now, should I wait until the weekend or watch Lost now and curse myself when my alarm goes off at 5:30? I think we all know the answer to that.

(Thanks for the birthday cheers:)

Happy Birthday

to me.

and my three martinis.

RIP My Dear Brit.

No, she's not dead, but a part of her certainly is. Yesterday, my friend K and I spent an hour comparing her former unabashed hotness to her recent mental, physical, and emotional breakdown. Compare this:

To this:



Oof.


In other news, I found a $20 bill outside the apartment building door taking the pup out this morning. What am I supposed to do, tack it up on the wall with a note? I don't think so.

Today, I'm taking advantage of the holiday: gym, organizing the paperwork that is my life, DVR shows from last week, and by that time it will be time for bed. How thrilling am I.

I Wish.

(I know Oprah's all about the gratitude journal, but that doesn't make for interesting reading, so I'm turning it on its head:)

I wish that my exhaustion on weeknights enabled me to get over my seemingly perpetual Friday night insomnia.

I wish Jon Stewart wasn't happily married.

I wish I knew why people on the subway seem to be staring at me lately.

I wish my dog could verbalize her feelings.

I wish I didn't have to spend half of my weekend doing legal research.

I wish I could pay someone to work out for me sometimes.

I wish I had a personal chef.

I wish I had the mental energy to read something other than Nora Roberts' romance/thrillers before bedtime.

I wish I believed in myself more during my job search so as to take some time to relax.

I wish I wasn't in as much debt as I am.

I wish the words "The President" filled me with pride and hope.

I wish when I awoke from a nightmare to a tear-soaked pillow I didn't feel the emptyness of my bed.

I wish the chasm between school and work, between childhood and adulthood, didn't feel so abrupt.

I wish I had a maid.

I wish guys had the courage to admit they love "The Notebook".

I wish I felt animal attraction to someone other than those toward whom it is totally inappropriate.

I wish I were involved in some kind of community-based child-oriented volunteer group.

I wish I were 35 and married and settled.

I wish I were 15 and could do it all over again.

Wondering

Why have I not heard more about this?

Yes, DUIs are very common, but still, nothing? Is there some kind of unwritten gag rule for the offspring of powerful dickwads?

If he fell I would be sad... over the loss of entertainment.

I've been known to inconspicuously tap my foot or bob my head in small movements to my ipod in public. But this was something else. This guy was full on dancing (badly) to his music. At the edge of the subway platform. We were all staring without being obvious about it, but at a certain point cracking up was undeniable, and the stranger next to me and I made eye contact and busted out laughing.

What was that certain point?

Spirit fingers.

Happy Fucking Valentine's Day.

I think I've officially forgotten what a good kiss feels like.

I do, however, know what a good glass of wine feels like.

Here's to loneliness, er, "freedom."

I get it now.

This is why lawyers drink. Stress, tedious paperwork, nerves, other people's problems and stupidity becoming your problems and stupidity ON TOP of your own problems and stupidity.

I'm out of wine (note to self: order at least 3 bottles in next Fresh Direct order) but I do have some brandy that I got for Christmas. Time to break it out.

Also, Valentine's Day has become the pink elephant (white elephant?) in my head.

Great Business Plan

Not only does it cost me $44 to dry clean three suits and a pair of pants, but the damn place ONLY TAKES CASH?!

I just ran in the cold instead of going to the gym so I could pick up my dry cleaning before work because they're only open until 7 and there is no way I will be home by then, and I couldn't even get it because I didn't have enough CASH and don't have time to go my ATM and then go back.

Silly me for thinking a business in 2007 would accept debit cards. Fuckers.

Live blogging 24

WARNING: IF YOU AREN'T WATCHING UNTIL LATER, STOP READING.

Ok, I'm getting slightly annoyed with the writers. I get they're trying to keep the seasons cohesive and separate to the extent possible (although we all know Charles and Martha Logan are showing up at some point later this year), but going against 5 years of Jack's character traits is fucking retarded.

Case in point: Jack wants to "take responsibility" for killing his brother? Nevermind that Daddy Bauer actually killed Graem (ugh what a stupid spelling) since Jack doesn't know that yet. JACK DOESN'T TAKE LEGAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR KILLING PEOPLE. NEVER HAS. NEVER SHOULD.

Remember shooting Nina Myers point blank when she didn't have any bargaining chips left? See season 3.

How about executing Ryan Chapelle? (btw, universally known as the moral turning point of the show). See season 3.

Or shooting Christopher Henderson point blank WITH A SCARED SHITLESS NAVY BOY WATCHING? See season 5.

I'm sure there are more. These are just the ones that spring to mind. But now, Jack wants to be all "responsible" and own up to "losing control" while torturing his bro?

Shut up, show.

Laziness

Wow. I don't think I've been this unhappy about having to do work on a Sunday since I was studying for the bar exam. Boo.

I'm watching A Few Good Men on A&E, and I forgot how awesome it is. I miss adorable pre-nutjob Tom Cruise.

Coach Taylor, will you marry me?

Friday Night Lights just made me cry. A lot. If you're not watching this show, you have no idea what you are missing. It's finally on i-tunes. The pilot episode is free.

Watch it.

How to End a Stressful Week

After everyone else is gone, dance around your office to Promiscuous Girl and Sexyback while organizing files and putting up pictures.

I'm already sick of Anna Nicole, and you know we've got at least another week of nonstop "news" coverage of her, at least until another astronaut cracks up or someone else announces he or she is entering rehab.

Annoyed. Times 2.

I don't have the energy for the rant that this deserves, so here's the short version.

I hate money.

1. Even though I know this is only a starting salary, I really don't make enough for how hard I am already working.

2. I haven't even started paying my loans yet.

3. I'm sick of explaining to my so-called friends that I don't live in the ultra-trendy neighborhoods because I will be making monthly loan payments equal to half of their rents.

4. I hate feeling obligated to go out for someone's birthday dinner and drop $40 because people want to just split the check when all I ordered were a couple of appetizers because I didn't like anything on the menu. That early Friends episode comes to mind. Except theoretically, I am one of the more "successful" friends in that I'm not a waitress, a struggling actor, or a massage therapist. Which just makes it worse.

5. Dry cleaning bills are the devil's handiwork.

6. I can't even bring my lunch to work half the time because when I am in court all morning I don't want to leave a sandwich or salad rotting in my bag. So I end up spending $7 on lunches because there is no alternative.

Sigh. Tomorrow is Friday and I get to be in the office all day which means I am totally wearing jeans. Because it's Friday. And, except for the fact that they aren't paying me enough, my bosses are awesome.

My poor pup is the best dog in the world for having not gone outside for 14 hours.

I'm appearing for a preliminary conference tomorrow, which is just a scheduling conference for the remaining discovery in the case, but it requires some amount of finessing and negotiation with the other parties and I haven't done one before, so, the smart thing to do would have been to come home and read up on things.

Instead, I went out for drinks. Which I firmly believe was the smarter thing to do. I found out that there is an AWESOME bar/lounge with excellent music in the basement of my office building, and I will now be going there at least once a week.

Now I'm waiting for Chinese food and the premiere of Lost. After three months I kind of forget what the hell is going on, but oh well.

Like Father, Like Son

I didn't think it could happen, but I was wrong.

24 has seriously disturbed me. After five seasons and well over 100 episodes, a Jack Bauer torture sequence has really gotten to me. Maybe it was Paul McCrane's acting, but I think it was more the way Jack simultaneously carefully hugged/painfully drugged his brother.

*Shivers*

How to Rock Your First Deposition

1. Appear young and inexperienced (not hard) so that opposing counsel has low expectations.
2. Attempt to knock those low expectations out of the water.
3. Have the rules down cold so that when opposing counsel objects to the form of your questions you can direct him to the applicable statutory scheme and make him look like a jackass in front of his client.

I'm sure it wasn't great. But hopefully it was decent enough that when my boss reads the transcript he can mix praise with constructive criticism and not totally break my spirit.

I'm defending a deposition tomorrow, handling a criminal appearance on Wednesday, files are piling up on my desk, and I'm starting to feel slightly overwhelmed. Which is why I'm drinking wine.

By the way, getting my diplomas and licenses professionally framed is going to cost me several hundred dollars. I'm tempted to just buy cheap frames, but then again, the blood, sweat and tears that went into earning these pieces of paper deserve something permanent and special, right?

Ok, one more glass of wine. And dinner. And 24. Jack needs me.

Notes from Meet the Press

I do love me some Obama, but John Edwards is striking me as so honest and upfront these days that I'm really going to have a hard time deciding who to support.

Things Left Unsaid. Part 1.

Idea stolen from This Fish.

1. I wish we kept in better contact.
2. I'm worried you two will never work things out. And they are stupid things. So work them out.
3. I can handle this myself.
4. I really cannot handle this myself.
5. I think about you way too much for someone I will likely never see again.
6. You can do so much better.
7. I hope one day soon you will figure out what you want.
8. I don't know how long I can keep up this charade.
9. I'm sorry I lead you on for so long. I should have been honest from the start.
10. Take me seriously, damnit.
11. I miss you.
12. I'm jealous of you. I've worked so much harder than you and deserve more.
13. I'm worried that you will die at a young age.
14. You have enough on your plate. Let them go.
15. I strongly dislike you and don't know why I am still thrown into social situations with you.
16. I'm not as strong as I pretend to be.
17. It's going to get much worse if you don't deal with it now.

Seriously. Creepy.

I'm flipping channels right now, and Scream is just starting on HBO, and the beginning usually creeps me out a bit, but not as much as this.

&^$#%(@!*

Am exhausted.

Have sore throat.

Haven't been to the gym since Wednesday. Must go tomorrow.

Have no food in the apartment.

Must prepare for deposition on Monday.

Upside: Pay day.