50/50 on whether I totally screw it up?

I'm handling a different case than I thought I would be tomorrow, and it actually may be messier than what I first thought I was gonna do. Let's just say that I HATED my Negotiation class in law school (the professor was a smarmy pervy self-righteous ass) and learned nothing, so depending on what the judge says, I may have to pull some negotiating skills out of thin air...

Also, being introduced to male attorneys as "our new associate" only to have them tell me I'll be fine in court because I have a nice smile does not bode well for being taken seriously in that big room. There may be more women than men in law school, but the courtroom is still dominated by wieners.

And the Hilarity Begins

I entered my first appearance in court today. No biggie, just a trial adjournment, but of course I got the jovial Santa-like judge who knows all the lawyers by name, and since he didn't know me, he proceeded to inquire into my background, ending jokingly with "since when do we let lawyers in their 20s appear before the great and powerful Oz?"

Yeah...

Apparently I'm arguing a motion (which I wrote, so at least I know what it is) on Thursday.

Again, yeah...(read: AHHH!)

I really have done more this weekend than just watch movies...

I wonder if I'm the only girl who LOVES The Fast and the Furious. I haven't bothered with the sequels, but I love love love the first one. Maybe because Paul Walker gives me the warm fuzzies (Vin Diesel not so much) and the plot is just stupidly awesome.

And what am I doing now? Meeting my girls at the theater to go see Jennifer Garner's new flick. I know there are many "better" movies out that I still want to see, but, as I do on Rachel McAdams, I have a girl crush on JG, and therefore must see anything she's in as soon as it comes out.

And then I will come home to the pup, get ready for my crazy week, and hit the sack.

"We all float down here..."

The mini-series "It" is currently on the ABC Family Channel. I know it's not the scariest of scary movies, but I remember being extremely freaked out after watching it as a kid and sleeping on my parents' floor for about two weeks. And not that anyone really likes clowns (do they?), but this is one terrifying fucking clown. It just doesn't seem very family-channel friendly.

What's gonna be on ABC Family next? Saw III?

The Brink.

Alright, I have three glasses of post-work wine down the hatch (which is enough to make a lightweight like me suitably drunk), so if this is a little less coherent than usual, so be it.

Work, despite the fact that I'm still barely 75% sure of anything that I'm doing at any given moment, is going very well. Partner #1 told me today that he is going to be "transferring a lot of responsibility" for a significant number of cases onto me so he can focus on a big trial that is coming up. He's said he's very pleased with the work that I've done so far, which must mean he trusts me enough to let me handle more on my own. I took it in stride, of course, saying how excited I am to take on more, etc., but inside I was filled with relief and excitement.

So on Tuesday I will be in court, for the first time as a licensed attorney, handling an appearance (or three) by myself. We are so jam packed with court dates that they want me to start doing some already. The week after I have been admitted. I have this vision of the judge asking me who the hell I am and me saying how I'm almost 26 years old and I was admitted to practice in NY last week and please don't tell me I'm an idiot already. And on Thursday there's a hearing for a motion that I'm writing, and Partner #2 mentioned that if he and Partner #1 are still on trial maybe I will have to argue it! Me. Argue a motion (which I have to finish this weekend because I don't think it's near good enough yet). The hell?!

So we'll see how this week goes. I know I'm ready for this, having argued in court as a law student many times, and on the other hand I CANNOT BELIEVE it's here already. I'm just a kid! Seriously! Who am I kidding?!

My friends who work at big firms are incredulous that I'm going to be in court already. I just smile. While I'm still jealous of their paychecks, I know I'd be miserable sitting in windowless offices (SHARED windowless offices at that whereas my office kicks ass) skimming through documents all day.

So work is good. The only other thing I can say about it is that I'm looking forward to becoming better friends with my colleagues. I know I'm the young and inexperienced one, but I really hope to have a kind of mentoring relationship with those in the firm. Because we're small, and it's clear that our (snarky, liberal, type A) personalities mesh (one reason I was hired I'm sure) I think that will happen.

And yet, I need more.

My friend A summed it up nicely when she said how she saw me as "at this great point where you're about to break wide open." Well, I don't know if "break wide open" is the way I'd describe it, but something's gotta give. My life has been too damn boring so far. I want passion and romance, damnit. Somehow that doesn't happen when you inevitably end up at happy hour with your silly and juvenile yet incredibly comfortable/comforting friends who knew you as a scared and shy college freshman and coaxed you out of your protective shell.

I know. Passion and romance aren't born out of going to bed at 11pm on a Friday night. And catcalls while out running or being given the once over by men from Harlem to Wall Street isn't quite doing it for me.

Itunes is on shuffle. And as usual, Otis has it right. They just have to Try a Little Tenderness.

It's Official

No more ceremonies for me until....my wedding?!

What if that means no more ceremonies ever? Wahhhhhhhhhhh!

Wait, is there a ceremony when you're admitted in federal court?

Holy. Shit.

Even I will admit that, while still kicking ass, 24 can sometimes be a bit formulaic (actually that's a good thing for routine-aholics like me).

But.

I SOOOOO did not see this twist coming.

Off to Albany tomorrow after work to be sworn in on Wednesday. Whoopdy doo.

World's Most Underrated Movie

Am I the only one who cries buckets every damn time I watch Deep Impact? What is it? The impending doom coupled with young love and father/daughter pre-killer wave reconciliation?

Oh, the heartstrings.

Sunday Morning Sexiness

The setting: 9:45am at the corner market.

The purpose: milk, diet coke, matches, and a lemon (not to be used together)

The image: me, in my cloud-patterned pajamas, uggs, bright red ski jacket, and messy hair, shuffling around the store.

The event: while standing in front of the frozen foods, contemplating the necessity of chocolate cherry garcia fro-yo, I run into none other than Him. My high school crush. The boy about whom I had those first fuzzy images of picking out curtains with.

Eye contact is made, flashes of recognition overtake (and I'm of course secretly thrilled that he does in fact recognize me), and soon enough I find myself standing in the middle of the store chatting with the beautiful boy, now a beautiful man, about life, work, and all the rest. Sadly for me he's just visiting for the weekend.

It gets me thinking about who I was all those years ago (ten year reunion being a mere two years away), who I am now, and who I'll be in another few years.

This is the only thing I can come up with: I'll still be the girl/woman in pajamas with messy hair in the market on Sunday morning.

Hello dear snow!

I've missed you so.

Fuck the Tax Man

I originally named the federal agency before switching it to "tax man" because I am honestly and perhaps not stupidly afraid of being shipped off to Gitmo for anything negative I say about the government.

I got a notice in the mail telling me I owe $188 on my 2005 taxes. First of all, it's now 2007, so why the fuck did it take them so long? Second, this is bullshit. This was from my second year of law school. I was a law student. A poor, broke, god damn law student. With none of that summer associate money that constitutes more than the income of many Americans. So of course they come after me. Third, I need to respond by February 1st and I don't have the time or energy to fight this. Fourth, if I didn't despise that dingbat in the White House so much I wouldn't feel as bad about giving him more money to throw away.

Fifth? Oh, fuck it. Fuck it all. Fuck the IRS to hell.

Up Close and Personal

Sometimes, you find yourself bearing witness to one of those cliche-because-they're-true momentous life events. (Someone else's life...as will become obvious although shades are reminiscent of certain past transgressions of mine).

On the subway on the way home from work, I'm sitting on one of the benches people watching and listening to my ipod as usual. Standing in front of me are a well-dressed man in his early 50s and a woman in what I guess is her mid-twenties (I'm terrible at guessing those around my own age). They appear to work together and are chatting comfortably. The subway, quietly shuffling along in its post-rush hour half-empty calmness, allows me to overhear their conversation. Yes, I paused my ipod. Not because I'm generally nosy or care what people say on the subway, but because something about them catches my attention - are they standing just a bit closer together than necessary? Is he touching her hand?

Over a period of 15 minutes, it became very clear that these two are about to commence and affair. He wore a ring. She did not. "What about work?" "I can't do this to myself." "But what about what happened Friday night?"

What happened Friday night?!

She left the train car without him, but not before a moment-too-long kiss on the cheek.

I blatantly stared at the man for the next few minutes until I exited the train. I was simply incredulous.

And yet I'm sure he thought I was flirting with him.

"So Jack was right."

Um, of course Jack was right. If you people would listen to Jack more often you wouldn't be in these messes.

I literally yelled "That's awesome!" at least twice during the past two hours. There's no one else here.

Every season has been new and inventive and awesome (I know I need a new word) in its own way. However...sentox nerve gas, nuclear weapon assembly, and all the rest, while definitely possible, are not very probable. But this? This shit is PROBABLE. Holy. Crap.

Best (if cliched) lines of the episodes:

"We're not here to kill one American. We're here to kill thousands."

"I don't know how to do this anymore." "You'll remember."

Hells yeah he'll remember.

On Being Single

I spent over two hours in the three story wonderland of Bed Bath & Beyond yesterday buying various items but most importantly looking for curtains. Having sheets strung up by rope on my windows really wasn't adding any homeyness to my apartment.

While browsing through the window treatments, I was privy to some eye-opening conversations between three young couples who were also buying curtains. These people were all about my age, maybe a couple years older, or maybe I'm just telling myself they were older because it's going to take me so long to get to the point where I'm picking out curtains with a guy.

At first I was struck with envy. Aww, they're so cute. They keep saying "our" this and "our" that. But then, with each of the three couples, the conversations began to get sticky. He wanted cheaper rods, she wanted the only curtains that weren't on sale, he left the paper with the measurements at home, she wants something sheer for the living room windows, he wonders what the hell the point of sheer curtains is, she doesn't want the same ones as X, blah blah blah.

One of the girls was so snippy and condescending to her boyfriend/husband that I stood there blatantly staring at them wondering, "why do you want to be with such a complete bitch?" I left the store secure in the knowledge that single is better.

But when I got home, after I proceeded to hang my lovely new curtains, clean up the remaining boxes and generally prettify the place, I curled up on the couch...by myself.

And felt envious once again.

I realize that meeting someone with whom I want to spend more than five minutes may require not spending Saturday night at home. But guys don't make things easy either. That guy who I thought I had sparks with who emailed me last weekend never responded to my cute and funny reply. Oh well. I guess "he's just not that into me."

In any case, something's gotta happen. The next time I have to buy curtains, for a different apartment, at least a year from now, I don't necessarily want to be buying them with Mr. Right, but maybe have Mr. Right Now come with me and give me his opinion.

Which I can choose to ignore.

I'm sorry. I guess I'm confused. I thought this was America.

Unbelievable. Truly, utterly, fantastically unbelievable. Apparently "the senior Pentagon official in charge of military detainees suspected of terrorism said in an interview this week that he was dismayed that lawyers at many of the nation’s top firms were representing prisoners at Guantánamo Bay, Cuba, and that the firms’ corporate clients should consider ending their business ties."

Now, lord knows I have major complaints with many procedural and substantive aspects of the "nation's top firms", but to attack any and all attorneys who volunteer their time to work on some of the most difficult, controversial, and thorny legal issues of our time is simply...unamerican. Mr. Stimson (the asshole who made these comments), have you read To Kill A Mockingbird lately? Maybe you should brush up on some basic civics and legal ethics.

Arrgh.

As for work stories, I have no fun stories. Just anxiety. I've been drafting discovery motions, researching various issues, going to depositions and writing reports of them for clients, and basically trying to not look like an idiot in the process of doing these things. I've always needed positive feedback, and I don't know how well my bosses are going to be at giving me that. Not getting negative feedback is one way to know you're doing ok, but affirmative praise is much more important.

I'll be admitted to the NY bar in two weeks at which point I will be handling hearings and conferences by myself very quickly. I think that's when the fun (read: horrifying) stories will begin.

I'm too fucking tired

to come up with a decent post.

Work is good and interesting and I should be doing some right now. But instead I'm going to bed.

Thank god for DVR. I'll have a good six hour stretch of shows to watch this weekend.

Can someone please finish setting up my apartment? Breaking down cardboard boxes and putting up pictures and buying and putting up curtains just sounds really time consuming and therefore unappealing.

My pup is coming down next week. I'm psyched to have her (I am getting a tad lonely here in the big city) but I'm not psyched about having to take her out in the mornings. I already get up too damn early to work out.

Being an adult is hard.

Do it Jack. Knock him out.

I HATE Larry King. With a passion. I never understood how a man who asks the most inane questions has been on the air thing long.

But he's interviewing the cast of 24, and therefore I must watch. (Sunday night! I can't wait!)

Sample stupid Larry:

Larry: "Conservative commentator Laura Ingram has said that 24 is the closest thing we have to a national referendum on torture and that people must agree with torture because they love 24. That makes a lot of sense, don't you think?"

Kiefer: Stares blankly, thinking how easily he could shove Larry's suspenders down his throat and pull them out his ass.

Ok, not really, but the point is that Jack Bauer would do that. Kiefer, always the peacemaker, simply states, "Every time my character has tortured someone there has been a negative repercussion of some kind, emotional or otherwise." Love!

Also, Larry? It's a TV show. Both you and Laura Ingram should crawl into a hole and rot.

Um, Ricky Schroder is joining the cast as Kiefer's go-to guy? Hmm. (And he just corrected Larry that he is in fact going by "Ricky" these days because "Rick" never felt comfortable.) And damn, Mary Lynn Rajskub is looking so pretty! Hair and makeup stylists are amazing.

My cousin is an up and coming Hollywood producer, and I have this fantasy that he will cast Kiefer in something and I will literally fly to LA just to meet him and he'll fall in love with me and we'll live happily ever after.

Yes, I know Jack Bauer can't live happily ever after, but Kiefer can. And I can. With Kiefer.

With regard to real life, going to the gym at 6am is making me feel tired. And going to work is making me feel dumb. More on that later.

Dressed for Success

I just spent more than half of one week's pay on clothes to wear to work so I can make more money by actually looking like a lawyer. Worth it, right?

I rocked the sales though.

Wasted

Not from alcohol, although I did have a few drinks last night. Just tired.

But first things first. I went for a run today and IT IS 70 DEGREES OUTSIDE. It's January. The fucking birds are so confused I think I saw one crash into my window.

I went out with friends from college last night not as a weekend visitor but as a real New Yorker. It was great. I met a couple new people including a guy who was apparently so taken with me that I woke up to find an email from him. I don't even really know how he got my email address.

I'm so insecure when it comes to guys. I'm getting better about it, but I always can't believe that guys are interested in little old me. As a financial guy, he seemed so impressed with the whole trial lawyer thing I guess because he usually deals with boring corporate lawyers. Anyway, I can't decide what to say when I email him back. As my friend K just said, I really need to learn the phrase "you have nothing to lose."

I really need to unpack and do a couple of errands. But somehow I can't get off the couch. And after a week of no cable I'm taking full advantage of it now.

What would you do?

This guy's 15 minutes will soon be up, but I have to wonder...heroic and brave? Or stupid and lucky?

Day 1

was good. I didn't really do much other than fill out paperwork and tinker with the computer system, but I sat and talked (mostly listened) about some cases and procedure and stuff and I have real work to do tomorrow.

But I don't know how to do any of it!!!!

The learning curve is going to be STEEP. And they want me in court as soon as I am admitted at the end of the month. Yikes.

I'm Here!!

Well, I'm all moved in and about 30% unpacked. But I am luckily able to mooch off of someone's unsecured wireless network (should I cancel my internet order? Cable guy is coming on Friday and unfortunately I will have to make do with dvds until then while I unpack.)

This wireless network is called "boobyhatch2". Ha.

The only really crappy part about the last couple of days is the fact that as soon as we got back from CA I got a terrible head cold. Awful sore throat, stuffy, the works. It was NOT fun loading and unloading the truck. But my parents are troupers and we got through it. I feel better today and hopefully will be almost 100% for tomorrow.

I really need to prepare for my first day of work so I'm just gonna spend a couple hours organizing/unpacking and then relax and get ready for tomorrow. I wanted to take a dry run down to work to see how long it will take me, but I don't think it's worth the energy plus rush hour will be worse. I'll just leave early in the morning.

This is so weird. It's MY apartment. MY furniture. MY appliances. Can I really be an adult?

Considering I'm watching "Eight Below" (I love doggie movies), I guess not.

Happy New Year! I was asleep before midnight last night. (Ok, maybe I am an adult.)