I Heart Kiefer

I just spent an obscene amount of time prettifying the blog. Fortunately, I didn't even realize I had Fox on the TV and so I got to see the first televised preview for Season 6 of 24.

So. Awesome.

Lawyering in the News

Among the most emailed articles...

Trial attorneys? Not so much.

Big Firm diversity? Also not so much.

"So do you feel any different?" "Uhh, no."

I was sworn into the Massachusetts Bar this morning. The ceremony was in Faneuil Hall and was quite nice, appropriately formal and congratulatory, with some interesting history about the historical importance of the Massachusetts judiciary and how it is the oldest continuous judiciary in the western hemisphere. I took the oaths (the only other two professions that require spoken oaths are doctors and clergy), got my license, my mom took pictures, and I proceeded to drive back home while most people went to work. Ahh well. This professions is not just what you do - it's who you are, and I AM a lawyer. Officially in one state, and soon to be in two.

But! Later in the day I received a phone call from a firm in NYC that I had forgotten I had even applied to since it was over a month ago, and I have an interview next week. So, that's something.

Bob Saget is on SVU. I'm a little creeped out.

Television Without Pity Quote of the Week

In the green room, Harriet munches on chips (or something) and stares into space, disbelieving. "It's sexy that I'm devout?" she asks. Oh my GOD, this is SO STUPID. Nobody doesn't know this! Nobody past seventh grade doesn't know this! Nobody who has ever heard "Son Of A Preacher Man" doesn't know this!

Now, I'm still watching Studio 60, because I have waaaaaay too much time on my hands and watch literally almost every half-way decent show on television, but if the writers continue to turn the interesting multifaceted people into complete morons, I won't be watching for long.

$crewed.

Why do I read articles like this? Can one of these people just sponsor me and pay off my loans? It would seriously be pennies for them.

Also, some of these so-called "facts" are completely antithetical to a reality that I along with thousands of others have experienced:

"The American Bar Foundation, a research group, has found in its surveys, for instance, that fewer law school graduates are going into public-interest law or government jobs and filling all the openings is becoming harder."

Oh, REALLY? I guess that's why the Suffolk County DA's Office in Boston gets over 800 applications each year and hires about 20 people, or why the DA's offices in each of the NYC boroughs get 1500 applications each year and each hires about 50 people. Yes, filling all the openings is clearly becoming harder.

Fucking New York Times.

There's Something About Charlie

I've been catching up on Season 1 of The OC. Best line (Seth's, natch) so far: "How do you know they're having sex? Maybe they just go to a motel to spoon and watch Charlie Rose."

Um, that actually sounds kind of enjoyable.

(Or, maybe I've just forgotten what sex is like.)

Thanksgiving By The Numbers

22: number of hours in the car with my mother and stepfather to Columbus and back
2: books on CD listened to on the trip
3: hours playing Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon
10: people staying in a four bedroom house
12: number of times I told myself to breathe deeply in and out
17: lbs of turkey
7.68: miles to the gym (yay for nation-wide membership plans)
62: years between oldest and youngest family members present
5: number of conversations/comments about a person behind his or her back
9: number of "shows" put on by my three year old cousin, each beginning with "Ladies and gentlemen" and ending with "I'll be here all week".
1: awesome chocolate "Congratulations on passing two bar exams!" cake, for which said three year old sang "Happy Birthday" to me
62: degrees Fahrenheit in Columbus the past few days
1.8 million: number of eye rolls, stifled laughs, smirks, etc. from each and every person in the house
1.9 million: number of laughs at or with each other
7: references to my (un)employment status
2: long discussions about my intended career path and living options
2: adorable animals awaiting our return home
1: resolution never to drive that far with my parents again. ever.

Seasons Greetings.

A Thanksgiving Miracle

Friday Night Lights has been picked up for a full season! YAY for more chances to admire the Adonis-like Taylor Kitsch.

More holiday goodiness to come later.

Family Togetherness

is overrated.

On the up side, my "Alias: The Complete Series" DVDs should be awaiting me when I get home...

In Dreams

Have you ever had one of those dreams after which you question the complete fuckwittedness of your psyche?

I'm in some kind of hospital/institutional corridor with a bunch of people from college. Not my friends mind you, but those semi-random folks on the outskirts of your inner circle who you never actually liked (and actually sometimes actively disliked) and haven't seen or spoken to since senior year. You know the ones.

Anyway, everyone is involved in some kind of Laguna Beach-style reality show and there are cameras and wide-eyed onlookers watching our every move. But all we're doing is standing around talking. I somehow end up sort of "together" with JG, a young man who for the four years I was forced to interact with him went down in my esteem each and every time I found myself in the same room with him. (This description makes it seem like I was a bitch in college but in truth I was still pretty shy - I'm just now really beginning to overcome lifelong shyness thank you to law school and courtroom experience.) So, JG and I are catching up on each other's lives and somehowend up MAKING OUT in front of the cameras and onlookers, whose presence I hadn't noticed until they started with the obligatory "Ooooohs."

THEN, the group starts roaming the hallways (still have no idea where we are) and I enter a room where I find my "best friend" (in the dream) lying in a bed looking sickly and pale. And who is my best friend you ask? Well, none other than MEREDITH FROM GREY'S ANATOMY. Yes, that's right, my obsession with television has permeated my inner consciousness. (Movies did that long ago...evidenced by my dream where I took Kevin Costner home to meet my parents. Yes, Kevin Costner.)

For some reason, I get it into my heard that I must get Meredith out of this place and so I pick her up (all 85 lbs of her) and we all walk out of the building into the sunshine-filled parking lot. But then, someone starts yelling at me about what I think I'm doing taking some girl out of a hospital. What did I think I was going to do with her?

I find my car and stick Meredith in the back seat. JG gets in the front, and we drive off, destination unknown.

At this point, I woke up, blinked a few times, rubbed my eyes, and I swear to god my first thought was...I would have totally been best friends with Izzie instead.

A Stolen Meme...

From Angry Pregnant Lawyer: My life in single words only.

Yourself: Pensive
Your partner: None
Your hair: Chocolate
Your Mother: Best
Your Father: Egotistical
Your Favorite Item: Doggie
Your dream last night: Bad
Your Favorite Drink: Coffee
Your Dream Car: Lexus
Your Dream Home: Castle
The Room You Are In: Living
Your Ex: Immature
Your fear: Ocean
Where you Want to be in Ten Years? Top
Who you hung out with last night: Mom
What You're Not: Apathetic
Muffins: Blueberry
One of Your Wish List Items: Flatscreen
Time: Fast
The Last Thing You Did: Awaken
What You Are Wearing: Pajamas
Your favorite weather: Brisk
Your Favorite Book: To Kill A Mockingbird
Last thing you ate: Pancakes
Your Life: Waiting
Your mood: Bleh
Your Best Friends: BEST
What are you thinking about right now: News
Your car: Old
What are you doing at the moment: Nothing
Your summer: Bar
Relationship status: None
What is on your TV: Meet The Press
What is the weather like: Cool
When is the last time you laughed: Yesterday

It keeps going, and going, and going...

You know what's amazing? The E! True Hollywood Story. It's able to take even the most wholesome of stars and portray them as backstabbing drug-addicted diva-ish schizophrenics in a matter of minutes. Hmm, kind of like certain lawyers I guess.

MBElievable

I got my MBE score in the mail today, and man, I don't know how PMBR did those calculations and told us to "add 36 points" to our PMBR 3 day exam, but they were right on the money.

Also, why does the New York State Board of Law Examiners insist on living in 1975? What's with the smudgy paper and typewriter ink? Jeez. My C&F application is now all ready, collected, signed, notarized, etc. Now all I need to do is make a photocopy for my records, and FedEx the sucker to Albany.

I also spent three hours today going through and re-organizing all of my loan crap, and had to call Access Group multiple times in order to understand everything. For a company that makes millions of dollars off our interest payments you would think they would be very organized and detail oriented and easy to understand. But no. I can't imagine if I were 80 years old and trying to deal with Medicaid paperwork and couldn't use the internet. Sheesh. Anyway, it was the most productive I've been in weeks.

I've got a potential meeting with the First Assistant Attorney General about some DA opportunities in MA. Then, maybe I can use that as leverage in NY. (I love how I build up possibilities to a distinct level of concreteness...)

Anyway, I'm gonna be a nice daughter and clean the place up before the 'rents get home. What a good time to blast some Bon Jovi.

Type A

During my incessant channel flipping, I came across a new HBO documentary called Thin. It's about an eating disorder treatment center in Florida, and it's heartbreakingly well done. As a 15 year veteran of competitive figure skating as a kid and adolescent, I know a thing or two about eating disorders. I never quite crossed the line, but I toed it for a long time.

It got me thinking about how one obsession or goal gets turned into another, and another, and another, and then, at some point, there is nothing left to do but wait for the other shoe to drop. I've been in school for the past two decades. I have an ivy league degree, a JD, I passed two bar exams on the first try, I've run a half marathon, I have friends and a loving family, and yet somehow, I feel like a failure because I don't yet have the perfect job at the age of 25. There is something wrong with that mentality. But every time I get another set-back in the job arena, I feel the exact same way I felt ten years ago when some nutritionist or sports psychologist wanted me to eat some peanut butter and told me to "be patient with myself".

I can't sleep. It's really no wonder though since I browse the same innane news/gossip/entertainment/legal websites and blogs each and every day while watching the same stupid television shows. I don't know what to do. I'm dreading the big family Thanksgiving get-together (not to mention the 10 hour drive to Columbus with my parents who are too cheap to fly but I guess I shouldn't say that since they are currently and graciously supporting my unemployed ass) where my god-awful aunts and uncles will repeatedly ask me what I've been up to and what I'm doing to find a job and that I should do this and that and talk to so and so and who and who and I have a lot of loans to pay back right? and JUST STOP TALKING LEAVE ME ALONE I ALREADY KNOW ALL OF THIS IT'S ALL I THINK ABOUT YOU IDIOTS.

So. In sum, I'm upset, agitated, lonely, scared (terrified), and depressed. Finding out I passed the NY bar exam made all of this worse for some reason. I felt a big sense of relief, but not really any happiness, although I was happy when I found out I passed MA, but I guess just because they released earlier.

Elijah Wood is on Conan right now, and he looks way more hobbit-like now than he did in the movies.

I'm gonna have a nightcap. And, if that doesn't work, some Tylenol PM. Just kidding, no suicide attempts. I've worked too hard for that.

Live Blogging Grey's Anatomy

I know this may be an unpopular opinion, but I HATE Christina. Always have. Don't get me wrong, I love her snarkiness. I invented snarkiness. Ask my mom. But there's a difference between being snarky and being unkind, unsymathetic, and all around bitchy. And being bitchy to George when he thought so highly of her as to be his father's surgical intern? For shame!

Now, Miranda Bailey? There's a snarky/bitchy/caring combo I can get behind.

Also, Dr. McSteamy? Maybe they're calling him because he won't stop blowing smoke up his own ass. Hate.

Crime and Punishment

I got a response email today from bureau chief in charge of hiring at the district attorney's office I am still being considered for. I had emailed him yesterday informing him that I passed the bar and am still interested in being hired for their spring class of ADAs. This would be my dream job, so of course I have to wait longer to find out if it will come through. They would like to extend offers "much earlier" this year (usually it is done in February or later), so I'm hoping maybe they will do so by the new year. I had very good vibes from each round of interviews I had at this office last year, and if the government simply had more money, I believe I would have been hired already. Grrr. There is a small percentage of people who leave law school wanting to make pennies and serve the public interest. I happen to be one of them, and there's nothing I can do about it.

On the other side of the employment spectrum, I've applied to a couple of firms in Boston. One has an office in NYC and wants someone with dual admission (score!) but also wants 1-5 years of experience (no score). I technically do have almost a full year of legal working experience because of all of my internships so I applied anyway, and my law school has a good track record there. The other firm is criminal defense/civil rights litigation, which I could definitely do. I've done quite a bit of defense work thus far, and while in my heart of hearts I would rather be a prosecutor, I believe wholeheartedly in the right to a defense, making the government prove its case, and coming up with pseudo-crazy arguments to get the defendant off the hook. I'm hoping I'll at least get an interview with this firm, since they also have alums from my school, and they are only asking for 0-3 years of experience. Of course, I bet half of the people from my graduating class (the half without jobs) are also applying to these firms, but whatever.

Speaking of getting the defendant off, OJ Simpson is coming out with a new book: "If I Did It." Um, whaaaa? You DID do it, we all know you did it, and this is why the consumer culture of America makes me want to vomit. And Fox News is airing an interview with the famed football star/movie star/bad commercial star/slicer and dicer.

On an unrelated note, the fact that SoapNet airs two hours of Beverly Hills 90210 each weekday makes me very happy.

Television Without Pity Quote of the Week

If you haven't already been watching Friday Night Lights, seriously, you must start.

Lyla immediately turns to Tim once the doors close and says "He can never know what happened between us." Everybody's All-Purpose Bad News Boyfriend Ryan Adams is crooning in the background to underline the bad-boy nature of their fling. Tim replies with the most economical charisma (seriously, this boy's grunts are like the equivalent of Kirsten Dunst's dimples), "I know. I get it. I'll miss you Lyla." And when he says the latter, his eyebrows raise up just a little bit and THE HEAVENS THEY OPEN AND ANGELS FLY OUT OF THE BUTTS OF CHERUBS. Tim tells Lyla he'll give her a ride to her car.

Oh. The Hotness.

Major Milestones Complete

I passed NY. Although I had tried not to freak out, others kept unloading their freak outs on me and so when I checked this morning I was shaking. But all is well. I will never again take another bar exam.

Sweet relief. Stick stuck, but another door has opened.

More Life Lessons From Television

I've watched two shows in the past 24 hours which have centered around the theme that Life Is Short And So You'd Better Take Advantage Of It While You Can.

Ok. This goes back to my previous post regarding feeling stuck. How do you take advantage of a life that doesn't exist? Most days, literally the only time I leave the house (my parents' house) is to get my ass to the gym for at least an hour a day. Being in shape has always been a high priority for me, but since it is now the only thing I have to "work" on, I've taken it to a new level.

But is this taking advantage of life? Hell no. Both of the shows revolved around making decisions about jobs, relationships, living situations, etc. Again, the stuckness.

NY bar results at 9am. Perhaps there'll be a little less stuckness tomorrow.

Despair.

I went to New York City this weekend. Other than the traffic getting in and out of the city, I had a really nice time. I realized how much I miss my friends. Being in Boston for law school only endeared me to its charms to some extent. I am still more naturally and emotionally connected to NYC. Always have been. The NY bar results come out on Tuesday and I'm just going to assume I passed because letting myself feel the other way is too painful and I've already gone through it with getting the MA results. (I don't know why I thought I should keep the states ambiguous - they're obviously not and no one reads this anyway so it doesn't matter.)

So while I know I will eventually move to New York, I can't begin to fathom when or how at this point. I have no job, don't really expect the coming weeks to bring much in that realm, even though I will have passed two bar exams, have a fantastic resume, an Ivy League undergrad degree, and a J.D. from a good law school which is pretty highly respected at least in MA. The government didn't want me last year, no firm has wanted me, and so I just feel unemployable, which is SO OBVIOUSLY not empirically true. I'm stuck.

I also can't begin to deal with the other issues in my life which I know need attention. Having conversations about relationships and the importance of going to a therapist (I firmly believe everyone in their twenties should at least try it) made me realize just how stuck I am. I cannot deal with anything else UNTIL I am at least living and working on my own. I KNOW why I'm unhappy at the currernt moment. Therapy won't help with that.

Television Without Pity Quote of the Week

Meredith is treating a young woman with hideous looking burns on the palm of her right hand. She doesn't get a name for a very long time, so we'll call her Barbri. Meredith asks her if she's going to be a lawyer. No, Mere, she's just taking the bar exam for the fun of it. Believe me, it's a real ball.

Hip Hip Hooray!

Is it Christmas already? The Dems take the House, they are close to taking the Senate (fingers crossed), and DONALD RUMSFELD RESIGNED. Ahhhh. Rummy and Ricky (Santorum) should just ride off into the sunset together never to be heard from again. I mean, we do need a gay Republican of the week, now don't we?

A quote from Eleanor Roosevelt, by way of Oprah.

The future belongs to those who believe in their dreams.

Inspiring, huh? I'm going to ignore the fact that Lindsay Lohan is appearing on the very same Oprah show.

I guess the reason they are dreams is that it takes a great amount of time and effort to make them come true. And I may be the most impatient person on the face of the planet, so waiting a long time is no small feat. I am also terrible at networking, so it figures I chose a profession in which networking is not just advisable, but undeniably necessary.

You know what else is undeniable? The fact that I will give out a big old "WHOOPIE" when the polls close and Rick Santorum is tossed out on his ear. I don't even live in PA, but it's that race that I am keeping tabs on.

Well that was a happy interlude.

I'm coming down off my passing bar #1 high and on to worrying about passing bar #2 (which is actually bar #1 re: what I studied for and where I want to live and work in the next couple of years. Since I don't know my MBE score I can't guage the probability of passing the other bar exam.

I also just used some leftover loan money to pay some of my credit card balance. Sigh. I know there are people out there who don't have the option of living with their parents rent-free until they get a job and so they took out huge bar loans, but I keep getting statements and confusing letters from Access Group and I'm getting panicky. Everytime I call those fuckers some undertrained customer service person gives me different (read:wrong) information about my loans. It's enough to make a girl commit homicide through the telephone.

November Sweeps

Who's getting psyched for Tuesday night mid-term election fun?! Hopefully the John Kerry/Ted Haggard flaps will cancel each other out (or Americans will simply get their heads out of their asses and not pay attention) and the Dems will take control of both houses.

In other sweeps news, why are my favorite shows advertising "fall finale" episodes? Lost, you are killing me. No one is going to remember anything once you start up again in January!! Although, by then, 24 will have started and I will have to split my obsession.

I've heard of three people I know who have failed the bar exam. And these are super-intelligent people. Although one of them has a job already so I don't feel (very) bad for her (unless she fails again in February). Things are tentatively moving ahead for me on the job front, but I don't want to jinx anything so I will refrain from saying too much until it actually happens...but if (no, WHEN) it happens, I will in fact explode from joy. Who gets to do exactly what she's wanted to do since she was 12 years old as her first real job out of school? Me, hopefully.

In other news, my dog and cat are curled up next to each other on the couch taking up more room than I am. Impossibly cute.

I am going to listen to Irish folk music at the little downtown theater this afternoon with Dad. Should be amusing.

I cannot wait for Bill Maher's show tonight...

It's always the crazy right wing Christian fanatics who turn out to be exactly what they preach fire and brimstone against. This one is no different.

THANK GOD.

Wait, I don't believe in "God". "God" had nothing to do with this!

I PASSED THE BAR EXAM!!!

I am now 90% sure I passed the other one. Here's to another two weeks of waiting. But in the mean time, I have never felt this kind of relief in my entire life. Literally AMAZING. For the past week I had been picturing myself sobbing on my bed after getting results that I had failed. But no, I worked realllllly hard and it paid off. I will never look back on the summer of 2006 with fond memories, but I guess it's true that hard work does indeed matter.

Now for champagne:-)

Yeah. I can't sleep.

What American accent do you have? Your Result: Philadelphia Your accent is as Philadelphian as a cheesesteak! If you're not from Philadelphia, then you're from someplace near there like south Jersey, Baltimore, or Wilmington. if you've ever journeyed to some far off place where people don't know that Philly has an accent, someone may have thought you talked a little weird even though they didn't have a clue what accent it was they heard.
The Midland
The Inland North
The South
The Northeast
Boston
The West
North Central
What American accent do you have? Take More Quizzes

I actually did grow up mostly in south Jersey, but lived the first ten years of my life in a tiny CT hamlet. So I can't have an accent. Everyone else has an accent.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Results were mailed today. I'm on the verge of throwing up. I know the odds are greatly in my favor, and that I have never been in the bottom 20% of a curve in my life, but somehow I can't believe that I passed until I see it in the the cold harsh light of day. I didn't even study for these essays!! Ye the likelihood of getting a job here is much greater than the state whose other bar I took (and actually studied for), so I am even more freaked out than everyone else. But I remember the feelings I went through after walking out of the MBE on July 26th and I don't see how it is possible that I did well enough to pass. Can I really go through this again?